Curve Balls
by Storywriter55
Summary: Into every life, curve balls appear out of nowhere. A slice of life featuring Peter and Mozzie and of course, the Ellis-Caffrey family. Part of the 'Milestones' series (12.6 years)
1. Chapter 1

**Curve balls**

**Chapter 1**

12.6 years

Sara lay in bed, looking over at Neal, gently snoring next to her. It was almost two in the morning and she turned over, trying once again to find sleep. Neal felt her move against him and without so much as waking, he turned over following her lead and spooning her as he pulled her close. His body was solid and warm against her and Sara tried to let herself melt into him, but she was just too restless and she finally gave up, deciding to get up, fearful that if she kept moving she would end up waking him.

She hadn't quite found the words to tell him what he needed to know. It was bad enough that she had known for a few days; when Neal found out, he would no doubt have a little trouble sleeping himself. She made her way to the kitchen and warmed up a glass of milk as she looked around the kitchen and family room, eerily quiet at this hour of the night. This was the nerve centre of their home, where Hope and Liam did their homework, where they had their meals, where they curled up and watched movies together on Friday nights, where they lived their lives.

She spotted a picture of Hope on the bookshelf in the family room – she'd been no more than three years old at the time, Sara mused. Back then, they had been hoping and praying they could have another baby, Neal had been working for Peter part-time as well as doing some freelancing... everything had been in transition. Nowadays, their lives were much more settled. Both Hope and Liam were in school; their 'baby' was already in grade 2, learning to read and becoming independent. Neal had been working full time at Finch and Johns for over 7 years and although he still worked on the odd case with Peter, those were few and far between. Hope was twelve going on twenty and she continued to be an amazing kid, fine tuning her skills in the studio, still playing on the school soccer team, strong and fearless like her mom.

Their lives were settled and they were content with the day to day routine. Sara and Neal had long since felt that everything was perfect and that they could happily go on living their lives this way, raising their two kids, blissfully living from season to season without any abrupt changes to mess things up. Sure, there were the usual ups and downs. Lately, Neal had been worried about Peter's health and he fretted that his friend might be headed for some trouble; June was getting older and in the last year, her health had begun to deteriorate and Mozzie, well, Mozzie would always be Mozzie, mischievous and paranoid, whatever age he was. Everyone around them was getting older and although the changes were subtle, they were still noticeable – especially when you had the misfortune of looking at pictures from ten years before.

Sara would be turning 44 in a couple of months and Neal, well Neal would be turning 49. That seemed incredible to her; he was still his gorgeous self with a little bit of grey at the temples and his beard, when he let it go in the summer months as he was prone to do, was mostly grey now. But he was still Neal - strong, loving, sexy Neal she thought as she took a sip of her cup of warm milk.

Sexy Neal would definitely react though, when she finally spilled the beans in the morning. She had decided it was unfair to keep him out of the loop any longer and she had arranged for them to go out for brunch on the following morning – just the two of them. She'd tell him then. The kids could fend for themselves for a couple of hours, especially if Mozzie came over, which was his habit on Saturday mornings. He was always on the prowl for Neal's breakfast of eggs, bacon and French toast, the traditional offering on weekends.

She sighed and thought maybe now, she could get some sleep and she made her way back upstairs to give it a try. She settled in next to Neal and he stirred.

'Whassa matter?' he mumbled, half asleep

'Nothing, honey. Go back to sleep' she answered as she curled up behind him

She felt him take her hand which she'd wrapped around his waist and give it a quick peck as he settled back in and, as if he'd never come around, he immediately resumed his soft snoring. It took a while but finally, Sara was lulled into sleep by its regular rhythm.

WCWCWC

'I'm telling you Neal. I don't trust the guy' Mozzie said as he followed Neal around the kitchen, holding a cup of coffee in his hands

'Well, Moz, maybe you shouldn't have crossed him' said Neal as he finished getting breakfast on the table

'Kids! Breakfast is ready!' he called out

'But...' began Mozzie

'Moz, you're the one who's been playing this dangerous little game with Sara and it's not surprising that someone would decide to retaliate' he said, his voice impatient.

For years, Mozzie had been ratting out some of his least favorite arch-enemies. When Mozzie was crossed, he didn't hesitate to strike back, and over the years, he'd given Sara leads on snitches about a dozen times – just the 'not-so-nice' guys, mind you. Working the streets made for strange bedfellows and unlikely alliances but it also made for grudges and settling of accounts – and Mozzie was _not_ prone to forgiving and forgetting. Whenever someone annoyed him, he would put the guy's name on his ever growing 'grudge' list and when he had the opportunity, he would burn them by giving Sara a lead and letting her send someone of her team in to investigate. It had led to the recovery of a number of valuable art pieces and Sara was glad for the leads – an appreciation which translated into often hefty recovery fees for Mozzie.

Most times, the guys involved didn't have a clue who'd ratted them out – which was fine with Mozzie; he sure as hell didn't want _his_ name appearing on anyone else's grudge list. But the arrangement had its price as Mozzie was finding out and his reputation as a snitch among snitches had begun to make the rounds. This time, Mozzie was convinced he'd been found out and he was fearful that Johnny Berlinger aka 'The Predator' was gunning for him. He wasn't getting the sympathy he'd hoped to get from his best friend so he turned his attention to the kids who'd made their way to the table for breakfast. He scoffed at Neal one last time and sat, grabbing the plate of French toast and putting one on everybody's plate before serving himself.

As if on cue, Sara appeared at the foot of the stairs looking her usual elegant self in fitted jeans and a turtle neck sweater and Neal glanced up, smiling in appreciation. His wife looked amazing and he was always proud to be seen with her out in public.

'You ready, Neal?' she asked as she came over to place a kiss on Liam's forehead then Hope's

'How come you guys get to go out to breakfast and we don't' exclaimed Hope, pre-teen hormones always ready to bubble to the surface

'Mom and I are allowed to have some alone time together' answered Neal as he stepped up to ruffle Liam's hair 'besides you get to hang out with Uncle Mozzie'

WCWCWC

Sara and Neal made their way to their local breakfast hangout, the place where they often took the kids on weekends. It was always a busy place but Sonia, their regular waitress, managed to find them a quiet out of the way spot towards the back when she noted they were flying solo. It was nice to be alone, just the two of them for a change, Neal thought, totally oblivious to the reason Sara had proposed the outing in the first place. They settled in and had just ordered their food when Sara spoke up.

'Any news on Peter?' she asked her husband

Neal's face suddenly turned serious.

'No, the test is on Monday' he responded

'It could be nothing' said Sara

Peter had been dealing with problems that pointed to some sort of issue with his prostate gland. At the ripe old age of 60, he'd started to slow down letting his underlings at the Bureau do the heavy lifting and he'd begun to notice some worrisome signs which Elizabeth had finally convinced him to confide to their family doctor. The doctor was sufficiently concerned to send Peter for further testing and he was scheduled to have a PSA test on the following Monday. Although Peter always put on a brave face, Neal had seen worry in his best friend's eyes when he'd met him for lunch earlier in the week.

Sara and Neal knew more than anyone else how serious illness could creep up on you; Sara had recently reached her ten year milestone cancer free and the couple was so thankful that she had come out of her struggle with ovarian cancer relatively unscathed. They knew that illness could rear its ugly head without warning, as it had in Sara's case, and that once it got a hold of you, it took control of your life until it was good and ready to let you go.

'Well, he doesn't say it, but I know he's worried' volunteered Neal, his own concern apparent

'Yeah, well, El is trying to be strong too. And then there's the whole thing with Satchmo...' added Sara, taking a sip of coffee

Their food arrived and although Sara thought she'd made a safe choice, she looked down at her plate of Eggs Benedict and her stomach suddenly lurched; she made a most unusual gagging sound as Neal looked up, noticing her very pale looking face.

'You okay?' he asked

'I'll be right back' she barely got out as she made a beeline for the washroom.

Neal watched her as she walked away (was she actually running?); there was a nasty flu going around and he hoped Sara wasn't getting it.

Sara barely made it to the washroom in time. She'd been sick like this every morning for the past 5 days and she was surprised that Neal hadn't yet picked up on that fact. She'd been trying to hide it from him as she continued to work out how she'd answer his questions if or rather _when_ he found out. Neal was the hardest person to keep secrets from – he was observant and curious, a lethal combination.

Strangely, she felt fine after she threw up and usually, she could go back to eating normally – except if the smell of bacon was in the air – that was a definite gag trigger – and this place reeked of bacon.

She came back to the table, smiling shyly at her husband. 'Sorry about that' she said, sheepishly

'What's going on?' Neal asked, solicitous 'Honey, are you getting that flu?'

Sara just shook her head. 'I'm fine' she said as she took a mint from her purse

Neal hesitated for a moment then carried on; if Sara said she was fine, who was he to push it? His wife hated being doted on and he'd learned long ago, that he'd know in good time if she had something to tell him.

'So, you were saying about Satchmo?' Neal finally said, as he noticed the color returning to Sara's face

'Yeah, Neal...' she said, as she put down her fork and grabbed for his hand. She had pussy-footed around the issue long enough.

'What?' he asked, suddenly curious as to the intensity he could see in her eyes

'There's something... I ...' Sara blubbered

'Sara? What is it?' Neal asked, suddenly alarmed

Sara was not usually reluctant to discuss anything – their marriage was based on trust and honesty, at least most of the time – and whatever she was hesitating to tell him must be pretty major to have her reacting this way.

'Is it one of the kids?' Neal continued as Sara stared at him, obviously unsure how to continue

'Neal, stop!... it's not the kids' she finally said 'Well, at least it's not about Hope or Liam...' she added wryly

Neal just stared at her, puzzled, and she could see those lines forming between his eyes; the ones that appeared whenever he was worried or didn't understand something.

Finally, Sara couldn't take it anymore. She squeezed Neal's hand, stared right into his big blue eyes and spoke.

'I'm pregnant!'

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Elizabeth was sitting on the couch with Satchmo's head snuggled on her lap, gently rubbing his ears and speaking softly to him when Peter walked in. Over the past few weeks, they had broken many of the house rules where Satchmo was concerned; he was now allowed on the couch and he wasn't getting the naughty finger wag when he accidentally peed on the floor – something he'd been doing more and more often lately.

Peter took the seat next to her and put an arm around his wife. He could feel her body shaking, the first sign that El was crying... again.

'Honey...' he began at a loss for what to say

Elizabeth turned her eyes towards Peter and he could see the fresh tracks of tears all along her bright red cheeks. There was little left to do for the dog but he knew that he had to wait for the moment El was ready to let him go. The loyal companion had been ill for months but the last week or so, he'd lost all interest in the things that usually made him happy: his daily walk, his special toys, even his usually most welcome evening meal.

'I think I'm ready' she said tearfully as she looked up at her husband

Peter just looked at her for a moment before pulling her in to his body, her shoulders now bobbing up and down as the tears turned to sobs. Satchmo had been such a steadfast and loyal companion but he was going on sixteen years, a very long life for such a large dog, and she knew that they had already been selfish in keeping him alive for the past couple of months.

'I think we should get Neal to bring Hope over' said Peter, softly

He could feel Elizabeth nodding against his neck. Hope and Satchmo had been best of friends since she was a baby. The first few years, when Satchmo was a strong and active young dog, he used to outrun her as her tiny legs tried to keep up with him in the yard. Finally, as she got a little older, she could catch up to him, regaling in pulling at his tail at which time she would break into a fit of giggles. Over the past few years, as Hope got older and Satchmo became less active, she could be trusted to take him on his leash when she or Peter took Satch out for a walk. Hope had known this day was coming for awhile but according to Sara, the child had been in denial and there was no way the dog could be put down without giving her a chance to say goodbye. She was going on thirteen and she understood these things although everyone knew she would have a hard time coping with the passing of her faithful friend.

'How about I call the vet and make an appointment for tomorrow?' asked Peter

El nodded still too upset to speak.

WCWCWC

_7 weeks earlier_

_The front door opened and in burst Sara, followed closely by Neal. She was still on a high from the great dinner out they'd just had and the fact that she had just closed a huge case at work. The fact that the kids were spending the night in Brooklyn was an added bonus and they both stepped into the dark house, giggling as they went. The dinner they'd just had at The Pink Cactus, one of her favorite restaurants, had been out of this world and she was high on life and a little high on the bottle of Gattinara she and Neal had just shared. _

_They had barely closed the front door behind them when Sara grabbed her husband by the coat lapel and placed a long lingering kiss on his surprised but grateful lips._

'_You __**are**__ in a good mood' Neal muttered as he tried (but not terribly hard) to pull out of the kiss_

'_Awwww' Sara exclaimed throwing her head back in relief 'I am so glad this week is over'_

'_How about I fix us a nightcap?' asked Neal – something he realized sounded like a line from some old movie_

_They rarely drank at home except for wine with dinner and the occasional beer when Peter and El came over but tonight, Neal felt like a nice drink to close out the evening. He began rooting through their liquor cabinet, reading off labels as he went and Sara took off her shoes and coat and followed him to the kitchen at the back of the house. She let herself fall dramatically on the couch in the family room letting out a loud moan and Neal looked up to see her looking very relaxed and sexy indeed._

'_So, I can make you a Manhattan or you can have some Grand Marnier or some Amaretto' he declared, realizing it was probably time to stock up soon – these were slim pickings_

'_I... will... go... with... some Grand Marnier' Sara answered, unsteady yet deliberate as Neal realized she did __**not**__ need any more lubrication_

_He fixed them both a drink and made his way to join her on the couch, taking in the sight of an unusually relaxed and happy Sara._

'_I like you like this' he said as he took the spot next to her and handed her the tumbler of liqueur_

_Sara instantly put her legs up on her husband's lap and took a sip of the sweet nectar, humming as she did. Neal's smile widened. It wasn't that Sara was sourly – not really – but she tended to be serious in life and he usually had to work a little to make her laugh. Neal always saw it as a personal challenge to himself – making his wife laugh – and he did very well at it most days. Here she was, totally relaxed and happy and he hadn't had to work at all to get her this way..._

'_Oh yeah?' she asked, her voice turning very soft and languorous_

'_Yeah...' he repeated, his voice rough, as he put his glass down and reached for her. Sara responded rather aggressively, climbing onto his lap, straddling his body and letting the expensive dress she was wearing ride up her thighs._

'_Hi' he whispered suggestively as she brought her lips to his, effectively silencing him_

_She was wasting no time and she began to work at his belt buckle as Neal sat there perfectly content to let her do all the work. He lifted his bum off the couch to help her in her mission and she suddenly seemed to be ready for action – when had she taken off her underwear, he wondered._

_Neal wasn't complaining in the least, although probably later, his back would remind him that this was a very poor choice of positions for what they were about to do._

'_I love you, Neal' Sara whispered into his ear, her voice a little unsteady, as she ran her hands through his hair, pushing all the right buttons_

'_Mmmm' he responded as he let his hands linger up and down her soft, naked buttocks_

_She got right down to business and she began to writhe on his lap, getting into just the right position. Neal let her do her thing; he was just thrilled to be along for the ride. He began to participate a little more actively, grinding his hips up and down as she moaned over him, totally enraptured._

'_Honey' said Neal in a last ditch effort to keep her grounded before all hell broke loose 'Don't you want to get your...'_

'_It's fine' she said turning her attention back to his lips and biting him softly 'Don't need it'_

WCWCWC

Neal stared at Sara for a moment. Surely, he'd heard wrong. Maybe she'd said 'I'm fragrant'

'Did you hear what I said?' she asked as she realized Neal just wasn't getting the gist of what she'd just announced

He just stared some more.

'Neal, I'm _pregnant_' she repeated

'But...' he finally managed to eek out, his voice faltering

'I know' she said 'I know'

'But' he repeated as his brain finally began to reconnect with his mouth 'How did we do _that_?'

Sara shrugged. She didn't know either. Getting pregnant with Liam had been a major production, taking more than three years of concentrated effort on their part. She knew even back then that it was a long shot after her surgery and they had been so thrilled when she'd finally managed to conceive. But the years went by and it seemed like lightning would never strike twice and over the past year, they'd become a little too relaxed even though she did use a diaphragm whenever she thought the timing might be dangerous. She'd shunned birth control pills after her surgery, not wanting to dump any unnecessary drugs into her system and Neal, well Neal had always hated condoms so... But really? Getting pregnant seemed like such a long shot and after Liam, they'd never really thought much about having another baby.

'I guess the same way we made the other two' Sara said, her voice almost robotic. Now that she'd told Neal, it was like she was hearing the news for the first time, all over again.

'Oh my God' said Neal 'A baby!'

Neal loved kids and he probably would have had a half-dozen if fate hadn't interceded and made the production of just two so very difficult. But now! He did a quick mental calculation and looked, totally dazed at Sara as he spoke.

'That means, by the time this kid goes to college, I'll be...'

'Almost 70, I know' said Sara, just as traumatized

'I can't breathe' Neal said, suddenly as he put his hand to his chest

'Honey, honey, here, have a sip of water' she said as she handed him his glass

Whatever color Sara's face had been before she made her hasty exit to the washroom, his was twice as pale and Sara actually worried that he might pass out. She touched his hand, trying to get his attention so she could instruct him to start breathing but Neal just pushed her away and stood, straight as an arrow.

'I have to get out of here' he declared as he made his way to the parking lot

Sara threw some money on the table and ran off after him, actually afraid that he might remain in a trance and drive off without her. She caught up to him as he was preparing to unlock the door of a car that wasn't theirs and she silently redirected him towards their vehicle as she took the keys from his hand.

'Here. I'll drive' she said as she sat him down in the passenger seat

'Neal?' she asked as she took the seat next to him 'Are you okay?'

'Oh my God, Oh my God' Neal repeated as he finally turned to look at Sara

She looked at him, concerned and she felt that perhaps a little more detailed explanation was in order.

'Remember the night we celebrated my big win at work?' she asked. After lengthy analysis, she had figured out that had to be the night this happened.

'On the couch?' he asked

'Yeah. It's my fault, Neal. You even asked me if I wanted to go get my diaphragm' Sara admitted, grudgingly

'No, no, it's not your fault. Look, we've been playing with fire for awhile now. I guess we really didn't think there was any real danger' he said faintly as he seemed to be coming back to himself

Sara let out a long slow breath and started to cry. She'd known now for almost a week and she was still in shock herself. Although a baby at any point in time was a game changer, at their age, with the kids getting older, it would totally turn their world upside down.

'Sara, Sara, hey look at me' Neal said as he took in the sight of his wife, upset 'It's not the end of the world'

'But, we... how are we...' she said as she tried to put a coherent sentence together

'Hey, come on. This is just sudden, that's all' he began as he took her hand

She looked at him through her tears and shrugged.

'Wow!' he repeated for the umpteenth time 'Wow!'

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Neal and Hope sat in the car, mostly in silence. They were headed to Brooklyn to say a final goodbye to Hope's good friend, Satchmo. The child had known for months that the dog was on its last legs; she could see the sadness in her Aunt Elizabeth's eyes whenever the grown-ups talked about how sick he was getting. She had told her parents that she was okay with letting him go, without seeing him one last time but Neal and Sara knew differently. Both of them had had people disappear from their lives suddenly and although the end result was the same, they both knew it was important to take the time to say a proper goodbye.

Neal reached over and took Hope's hand in his as he navigated the bridge; she hadn't said much since they'd left the house.

'You okay, sweet pea?' he asked trying to keep his eyes on the road and get a glimpse into her face at the same time.

She looked up at her dad and he could see the tears spilling out and her bottom lip quivering as it did when she was trying very hard to keep it together. Neal knew that look from years of living with Sara – she was just like her mom.

'I don't know what I'm supposed to say to him' she finally admitted

'You don't have to say or do anything, honey. Just spend a little bit of time with him and... you know, have one last memory of him' said Neal as he squeezed her hand

'Why does he have to die?' she asked, finally giving in to the emotion

'I know, it seems unfair to lose someone you love but that's the way life is...' Neal began, suddenly feeling ill-equipped to give any support to his daughter

'Do _you_ know people who've died?' she asked

'Lots. And it's hard every single time' admitted Neal as he thought of all the people who'd crossed his path over the years – Kate, Ellen and so many others.

But Hope was so young to have to suffer such a loss and his first instinct had been to shield her from the inevitable pain although he knew that would be a mistake. If Hope didn't say goodbye to Satchmo, she would surely regret it down the line. He knew how much he'd missed having the chance to say one last goodbye to those he'd lost.

They arrived to find the Burke house eerily quiet. Satchmo usually ran to the door to meet them but on this day, he lay on his warm bed on the living room floor and barely looked up when they entered the house. Hope and Satchmo had developed all kinds of little rituals over the years but now she barely recognized her friend as she took a few tentative steps towards him. Neal looked up at Peter's face and nodded instead of speaking; it seemed like a sacrilege to speak out loud and Peter signalled him to follow him out into the back yard so Hope and Satchmo could have a few minutes alone. Neal gave his daughter an encouraging little squeeze of the shoulder and followed Peter out.

'How's Elizabeth?' Neal asked as they settled in at the table, a pitcher of lemonade in front of them

'She's upstairs' answered Peter as if that explained how El was in any way

Neal just nodded in response as he poured himself a glass.

'The vet is going to come over at 3:00. That way, Satchmo won't be in a strange place...' said Peter

'That's good' answered Neal 'I'm glad Hope has the chance to say goodbye'

Peter let out a soft laugh and Neal looked up curiously at him. He was no doubt remembering some long ago cherished memory of the dog.

'You know when we first got him, El treated him like a human baby. She used to hold him when he was a puppy, you know with his legs up, like a little baby' Peter said, his look faraway

Neal smiled at the thought. Elizabeth was indeed a very nurturing person and she'd always treated Satchmo like a member of the family.

'And the first time you brought Hope over' he continued 'remember? We were all so worried about letting a dog near a baby but Satchmo would just lie beside her baby carrier and watch her for hours' Peter reminisced

Neal smiled again, the memories so fresh in his mind. Although it had been almost thirteen years since Neal and Sara first visited the Burke home with their newborn daughter, it seemed like yesterday and he had a fleeting thought for this new baby who would never get to know Satchmo.

He could see Hope through the kitchen window, sitting on the floor next to the dog, just running her hand gently through his fur as Satchmo looked up, not moving, just looking at her, eyes sad. Hope was talking but he couldn't hear what she was saying and he suddenly felt his heart swell as he took in the sight of his daughter coping so well with a heart-breaking situation. Suddenly, Elizabeth appeared and made her way towards her goddaughter and she sat down next to the two of them, putting her arm around Hope as the child began to cry. Neal watched as Elizabeth, despite being wrapped up in her own grief, took Hope in her arms obviously consoling her as the two of them shared a most intimate moment.

Neal pulled his gaze away, feeling like a voyeur and turned back to Peter.

'So, you going in for your test tomorrow?' he asked

'Yeah, in the morning' answered Peter, letting out a slow breath

'Anything I can do?' Neal asked

'No. Thanks, buddy. I'll let you know how it goes' answered Peter

WCWCWC

'Mozzie, what is it exactly you want me to do?' asked Sara as they sat sharing a cup of tea – well, Mozzie's tea was really a glass of Pinot noir.

'Well... I don't know...find out if my identity was leaked when you did the recovery' Mozzie said

In truth, he wasn't really sure what he wanted Sara to do; all he knew was that he was running scared and the word on the street was that the Predator was looking for him to even a score. Mozzie had all but gone underground, not daring to be seen out in public and he spent most of his time looking over his shoulder or holed up in one of his safe houses.

'Mozzie, you must have known the word was going to get around that you were grassing fences out. You've been giving me leads for going on... what... almost fifteen years. Did you not think, some of your 'friends' would start to figure things out eventually' asked Sara

'Mmmm, 'friends' is an awfully loose term, Sara. None of these people are my 'friends' corrected Mozzie looking so much more paranoid than his usual paranoid self

Sara let out a long suffering sigh. Mozzie was such a 'high maintenance' individual and most days she was happy to indulge him but at this moment, she could feel nausea creeping its way back and she was becoming impatient with his whining. She stood suddenly and made her way to the sink to put down her empty cup.

'Look, Moz. I thought you came over to spend some time with Liam. He's up in his room playing video games if you want to go up' she finally said

Mozzie looked at her, disappointed. He wasn't sure exactly what he wanted from Sara but he obviously wasn't getting it so he swallowed the last sip of wine remaining in his glass and stood suddenly.

'Fine' he said, petulantly 'But if something happens to me...'

'Oh no you don't' interrupted Sara 'You've done this all by yourself'

As much as she loved Mozzie, she wasn't in any mood to put up with any of his guilt trip. He gave her one last resigned look and turned on his heels as he made his way to the staircase near the front of the house.

'And don't you dare draw Liam into this' called out Sara after him as he began the long climb

He huffed and continued on his way.

WCWCWC

Sara came into their bedroom and began her nightly ritual of lathering body lotion on her legs and arms as Neal sat up in bed, glasses on the tip of his nose, reading something on his laptop.

'I've been reading about this PSA test Peter's having tomorrow' he said as he studied the screen 'It's just a blood test and a high score can mean a lot of things, not just cancer'

Sara climbed into bed next to him and glanced over Neal's shoulder at the screen but without her reading glasses, she couldn't really make out much despite her deliberate squinting.

'Well, all we can do is be there for him' she said as she gave up and slipped under the blankets

Neal nodded as he continued reading. After a few minutes, he closed the laptop and set it aside, slipping under the covers to join his wife.

'Did you talk to Elizabeth?' he asked as he opened his arms for her to curl up in

'Yeah, but she was pretty broken up and I thought it was better not to push too much. But everything went well and she said, Satchmo just slipped away quietly with his head on her lap' answered Sara, slipping into the warm space Neal had just created for her

'I'm gonna miss him' said Neal, his voice nostalgic

'You know the kids have been bugging us for awhile to get a dog. Do you think now might be a good time?' Sara asked

Neal shrugged. 'Don't you think we have enough on our plate for now' he said, referring to the upcoming addition to their family

'I suppose' Sara responded

'You know, I was so proud of Hope today' said Neal 'She's a real trooper'

Sara looked up to meet his eyes 'Oh, yeah?'

'Yeah, she's so smart... how did you and I make such an amazing human being?' he asked as he kissed the top of her head

'I have no idea' admitted Sara silently thinking about the new little being that was growing inside her

Neal was seemingly thinking the same thing and his hand instantly went to her flat belly as he ran his hand gently across and back again. He had calmed down considerably over the last twenty four hours and he'd begun to see the brighter side of things.

'So are you going to talk and sing to this one too?' Sara asked putting her hand on top of his

'Of course!' he answered, smiling

'You know, I have no idea why this is happening but I guess we just have to go with the flow' he continued

Sara shrugged and then relaxed when he began to run his hand up and down her back. She'd been thinking the same thing. Their lives had taken so many unexpected twists and turns over the years and there was no sense in questioning why that was so. Her first pregnancy, with Hope, had led them down this wonderful path and although, at the time, it had seemed like a disaster, it had turned into one of the most wonderful experiences of their lives.

'I've decided not to worry about what will happen twenty years down the line. I'm going to live in the moment and enjoy watching you get a big belly and give birth to another amazing little baby' he added

'Right! Because gaining forty pounds and pushing a ten pound baby through my narrow birth canal is going to be _so_ enjoyable' said Sara

Neal laughed. 'Sorry. That was totally selfish of me' he said

He leaned in to kiss her mouth. 'I've always thought you were never more sexy than when you're pregnant' he whispered as he continued to pepper small kisses on her lips

'And then, there's all that great pregnancy sex – you know...when I just can't get enough' echoed Sara remembering her last two go arounds.

Neal purred in response.

'So, this means ... what... a June baby?' he asked

'Sometime around Liam's birthday, I think. Dr. Cooper will be able to give us a better estimate' answered Sara

'So, when do you want to tell the kids?' asked Neal looking into Sara's tired eyes

She shrugged. 'Let's give it a few days, okay?'

He nodded in agreement. 'So, have you called for an appointment yet' Neal asked

'Friday morning' she answered

'I'll be there' said Neal looking down fondly at her. 'I'll _always_ be there' he added

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry for the delay_**. **_Sometimes real life gets in the way of ... fanfic. Doing my best with regular updates_**!**

**Chapter 4**

Peter arrived at the lab first thing in the morning with Elizabeth by his side. Although he had insisted there was no reason for her to come along for something as inane as a blood test, El wouldn't hear of letting him go alone. Peter and Elizabeth were joined at the hip and whatever happened to one of them had an impact on them both. Elizabeth had barely slept the night before. It was their first night without Satchmo and she had been restless, nodding off for a few minutes here and there as Peter had watched over her. He loved the dog, too, but Satchmo was Elizabeth's baby – had been since day one – and his passing had hit her harder than expected.

There were always line-ups for blood work, especially on Mondays when everyone decided they'd put such things off long enough. They found a seat in the crowded waiting room and sat holding hands, side by side as Peter twirled the little pink paper with the number 91 in his hand.

'You okay honey?' asked Elizabeth

'It's just blood work, El' he answered

'I know but...' El let her voice trail

... It was blood work to establish why Peter was having the issues he was having. She'd made the mistake as most people do, of consulting Dr. Google and of course she'd gone to the worst case scenario right off the bat: prostate cancer. The rates were staggeringly high although the outcomes were positive and she wished they could fast forward to the following week to their appointment with Dr. Samuels so they could get the lo-down on what was causing Peter's symptoms. She looked up at her husband and thought again about how much she depended on him. They were married going on twenty five years and she'd never looked back since that day he'd awkwardly asked her out, so many moons ago. He was her rock – emotionally, physically and every other way. She thought about the last few days, how attentive and loving he'd been with her as she coped with Satchmo's illness and finally, his death. He was the most caring, loving husband she could possibly imagine and the thought of him suffering in any way was too much for her to handle especially this morning, fragile as she was feeling.

She decided to keep her thoughts to herself and she smiled at Peter, squeezing his hand.

'Ninety one' called out the receptionist

WCWCWC

Mozzie was making his way up Pearl Street in Manhattan in the most unlikely of 'disguises'. He was wearing a large trench coat with the collar turned up, a pair of oversized sunglasses, despite the rather drab and dreary day and a broad rim fedora – to say nothing of the lifts in his shoes, giving him a good three inches extra. He walked briskly, his gait uneven due to his footwear and he continued to glance behind him every few seconds. Being on the run was an awful lot of work but staying alive was worth it, he pondered as he quickened his step.

A few blocks over, Neal was doing his best impression of concentrating on his work. Ever since the weekend, he'd been having these visions... well not _visions _exactly, more like wide awake dreams. His mind would wander and he'd get vivid visual images that came unbidden and he had to try to shake them off in order to stay grounded in reality. The one presently occupying his psyche had him hobbling along with a walker as he made his way to his son's high school graduation. The person next to him, roughly his age, was all smiles as he spoke: 'I bet you're just as proud of your grandson as I am' the man said.

Neal was shaken out of his reverie by a commotion in the outer office. He glanced through the half-open door and spied his assistant Joyce, chatting with a very odd looking man. Dammit, he thought, he didn't have time to meet with anyone now; Mozzie was on his way over to meet him for lunch. He was just about to say something when, upon closer study, he suddenly recognized the little – well not so little – man.

'Moz?' he asked as Joyce stepped aside to let the odd little guy past her

'Thank God!' answered Mozzie as he stepped into Neal's inner office

'What are you doing?' Neal let out, his voice impatient '... and is that one of my...'

'Desperate times call for desperate measures' said Mozzie as he continued to look around Neal's office as if someone was going to pop out from behind Neal's desk and attack him at any moment

'That hat was safely stored in the back of the closet in _my_ bedroom' Neal continued, incensed that Mozzie had taken one of his prized fedoras from right under his nose

'Well, that's what you get for giving me free reign of your house' Mozzie answered as if it served Neal right

Neal sighed loudly and shook his head in desperation.

'Alright, what's going on here?' he asked as it began to dawn on him that between the hat on top of his head and whatever Mozzie was hiding in his shoes, he was seeing straight into Mozzie's eyes (well sunglasses), his friend astoundingly and suddenly the same height as Neal. Mozzie had gone from five foot six to just under six feet tall in less than 24 hours.

'I might have gotten some help from the costume shop on Second' he said as he suddenly dropped his voice 'three and a half inches for 29.95'

Neal looked away, unable to keep a straight face.

'So, I thought we were going out to lunch but you look like you're heading over to do a shoot for the cover of Mad magazine – you sure you want to go out in public with that get-up?' he asked of his friend

'Well, I managed to find us a nice out of the way place over on Jensen' said Mozzie as he pulled out a pamphlet from his oversized coat pocket

'Seriously, Moz? The Men's Mission' Neal read, now totally exasperated

'They serve a wonderful shepherd's pie on Tuesdays' answered Mozzie by way of explanation

'Moz, we are _not_ going to the Men's Mission for lunch. Take that ridiculous get-up off or I'm not going anywhere with you' said Neal, at his wits end.

Mozzie had been acting even more paranoid than his usual paranoid self over the past few days and Neal had found him on the couch in the family room two mornings in a row when he'd come down to make coffee, practically having a coronary as he was startled by his bespectacled friend lying there uninvited.

'Why don't you just meet Berlinger and have it out with him?' Neal asked as they walked up the street towards a nearby café. Although he had not managed to get Mozzie to drop any of the elements of his ridiculous disguise, he had been successful in convincing him to forgo the soup kitchen Mozzie had originally suggested as their lunch destination.

'He's going to kill me, Neal!' Mozzie exclaimed in his over the top manner

'What's the alternative, you going to go around masquerading as a 1950's spy for the rest of your life?' asked Neal

'Survival, Neal. One must adapt' said Mozzie, shaking his finger menacingly

'Adapt, yes. Hide under a rock, no. Face the music, Moz. Offer him something to make him go away. After all, you did deprive him of his cut on a two million dollar painting as I recall' said Neal hoping to make his friend see reason.

It was Mozzie's turn to sigh. As much as he hated giving anything up, maybe Neal was right. Maybe he needed to make the man an offer in exchange for a chance to live to see another day. He dismissed the idea, his misplaced pride rising to the surface.

'Never' he said finally as Neal just rolled his eyes, totally frustrated.

WCWCWC

'Well' I never thought I'd see you two again – unless it was at a cocktail party' said Dr. Cooper as she walked in and settled at her desk across from Neal and Sara.

Although she was still Sara's gynecologist, the visits had been few and far between over the past few years and she began to study their faces as she glanced down at the notes on her desk. Neal hadn't seen her since that day in the delivery room more than seven years before when Liam was born and he noticed that she was looking a little more wrinkled than she had back then.

She glanced down at the file she'd just brought in with her and added: 'Well, I strongly suggest you two stop off on the way home and pick up a lottery ticket'

Sara looked at her, slightly embarrassed and gave her a shy smile.

'I'm not usually one for spouting statistics but this one is rather startling' said the doctor

Sara braced herself for what was coming.

'Between the fact that you're operating with only half of the necessary equipment and that you are 43 years old' Dr. Cooper said as she looked at Sara 'the odds of this happening are less than 1%'

Neal couldn't help but smile, a small private smile – surely, his exceptional genetic material must have something to do with this near impossible feat. Even in this most unexpected and unplanned situation, he had found a way to glean some sense of pride for a job well done.

'So, what does it mean?' Sara asked, expecting chapter and verse on the risks of late pregnancy

'It means you're having a baby' said the doctor, her sense of humor intact

Sara stared, not amused at the comment.

'Alright, I will not sugar coat this. There are risks involved in any pregnancy after age forty and we need to monitor you closely. I recommend additional genetic testing...' she began before Sara interrupted her

'No, Neal and I have talked about it' she said as she took her husband's hand 'and we don't want to do any genetic testing'

'I understand, Sara. But knowing what's ahead can help you cope with potential problems, help you make appropriate decisions' continued the doctor

'You mean like termination?' asked Neal, piping up

Dr. Cooper nodded. 'It _is_ an option should you want to explore it'

'Sara's right. We don't want to go that route. For whatever reason, this has happened now and we want to follow it through so, no genetic testing' he said squeezing Sara's hand

'Alright, then. Do let me know if you change your mind and I can explain the types of tests which are available' said the doctor, smiling kindly

'So, Sara, I want to see you every couple of weeks' Dr. Cooper concluded 'There is no reason you can't have a productive, healthy pregnancy and I will do all I can to ensure that happens'

'Thanks' Neal and Sara said in harmony as they got up to leave

They made their way out into the bright sunlight, realizing they were still holding hands. They walked to their car in silence, Dr. Cooper's words echoing in their ears. They had lay in bed the night before discussing the information they had uncovered as they researched the topic of pregnancy in a woman's forties. Sure, the odds were infinitely higher of some genetic abnormality but they knew they were champs at beating the odds as evidenced by the situation they found themselves in – and so many others over the years. Neal was a romantic at heart and the thought of terminating a pregnancy because a child of theirs might have special needs did not sit well with him. Sara, for her part, always the pragmatist, had first argued for some testing but she quickly realized that this baby was a gift – a late life gift – they were being handed and _that_ couldn't be explained or reasoned away. She had quickly agreed with Neal; this new baby was a blessing and he (or she) was _their_ baby, no matter what.

Now that the shock had begun to wear off, the couple cheerfully turned their minds to adding a new member to their family and they headed home to share the good news with their offspring.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Hope stepped back from the canvas and squinted as she tried to get some perspective on the painting she was working on. She glanced at the photograph nearby, noting that she hadn't gotten the eyes quite right. Ever since the previous weekend, she hadn't been able to get Satchmo out of her mind. She realized that, although she was beginning to have quite a collection of pieces – mostly oils – she had never painted or even drawn Satchmo. She sighed as she took in his likeness staring back at her. He'd literally been there, in her life, as long as her parents, her godparents, her Uncle Mozzie and her Grandma June had been. As far back as she could remember, he'd been there, always happy to see her, putting up with her no matter what her mood was. It she needed time alone, he'd give it to her, no questions asked; if she wanted to run around, he was a willing companion; if she wanted a cuddle, he would lay there and let himself be manhandled.

She'd gotten the idea for the painting after spending time with her Aunt Elizabeth and realizing that she loved Satchmo most of all. After all, he was_ her_ baby and she'd willingly shared him with Hope, no strings attached. Hope had spent so much time at her godparents' house over the years – so many weekend sleepovers... especially before Liam was born. Practically every Saturday, her godfather would take her out on a special outing: a museum, a library, the park, a movie, and then they would head back to the house in Brooklyn where El was usually waiting with a warm meal, exactly to Hope's liking. Her parents were always on her case about eating right: granola, quinoa, asparagus! But when she visited her godparents' place, she could count on mac and cheese or her aunt's famous fajitas or better yet, when El had to work, she and Peter would order pizza with double cheese and sit and watch a movie together on the couch, Satchmo always nearby.

As she'd gotten older, Hope had been given more responsibility for the dog and over the past year, Elizabeth had let her take him out on short walks by herself; Satchmo was a lot calmer than he'd been in his younger days and she could easily manage him on the leash without help now that she was older.

She sighed at the memory of all those good times which were now gone for good. She was suddenly aware of her dad standing in the doorway, silently watching her.

'Dad! You scared me!' she said as she turned towards him

'Sorry, sweet pea. I was just watching you work' he said, in obvious admiration of her creative process, which from where he was standing looked an awful lot like _his_ creative process.

It was no wonder. Hope had been painting alongside Neal for many years in their studio at home. As her interests had evolved, he had introduced her to new and varied materials. He was most definitely partial to oil but he wanted her to make up her own mind and he'd brought in pastels, charcoal, water paints and anything else she'd shown a remote interest in over the years. He was secretly thrilled that she was gravitating towards oil these days and he'd noticed, when she worked by his side, that she'd taken on many of his mannerisms – her way of standing in front of the canvas, the way she studied her work every few seconds before continuing, the way her brow furrowed ever so slightly at a detail she wasn't totally pleased with. It was like looking in the mirror and Neal made his way closer to better admire her current work of art.

'Wow! That looks good, honey' he said as he got closer

'I can't get the eyes right' she said sadly and he picked up on her anguish; this was obviously not _just another painting_ for her

'See here?' he said, pointing at the photograph 'That depth... try just a little bit of a darker shade right about here' he added directing her attention to the canvas

She nodded in appreciation for the advice and Neal smiled at her reaction, noticing suddenly that her eyes were full of tears. He opened up his arms and she buried her face in his shirt, finally letting go of the emotion that was bubbling right at the surface – the emotion that inhabited all great artists.

'Oh, honey' he said holding her and putting a hand on her head

'Why did he have to die, Daddy?' she asked, her voice muffled

Neal looked down at his daughter, so distraught. He wished he could make it all better but this was something she had to get through by herself although he was more than happy to provide some support.

'I know it seems unfair, Hope. But that's just how life is... we all die in the end' he said, feeling particularly inadequate at his attempt at an answer to her existential question.

'But I miss him' she said, her voice quivering

'I know you do. He loved you very much' answered Neal 'You were a very good friend to him'

'What do you think happens when we die?' she asked, pulling away and looking up at her dad

'Nobody knows for sure, honey' Neal responded 'We have to make the best of life while we're here... be the best person we can be'

His words surprised even himself as he thought about how long it had taken him to learn _that_ life lesson. For so long, Neal had lived from day to day not caring much about the consequences of his actions, just living for the thrill of the moment. Now, he realized his life was so much richer when he opened himself up and shared himself – the best of himself – with those he loved. It had been a hard-learned lesson due to the poor start he'd had in life and the fact that he didn't have many positive role models until Peter came into his life. He knew that his children would be much wiser in that respect as he witnessed them being so open and loving to those around them. It struck him again how he was learning so much more from his children than the other way around.

'Are you hungry? It's time for dinner' he finally said, ruffling her hair and making her smile

She nodded and took his hand.

WCWCWC

'Uncle Mozzie, why are you wearing a fake mustache and that stupid wig?' asked Liam as the family sat at the dinner table

Mozzie looked surreptitiously from Neal to Sara. Although he prided himself on having an open and honest relationship with his young godson, he had also promised them (mostly Sara) that he would never drag the kids into anything relating to his shady dealings.

'Yeah, Mozzie why don't you tell us why you're wearing that ridiculous mustache and wig' Neal said loudly hoping his buddy would recognize the foolishness of his ways

After all, they were safely at home in White Plains and Neal was reasonably sure that Johnny Berlinger aka The Predator wasn't lurking under the kitchen table waiting to pounce.

'Do you like it Liam?' Mozzie asked with false bravado

'No, not really' answered the young child – honesty being the cornerstone of innocence

'Well' Mozzie lied 'I'm thinking of doing some community theatre and I'm trying out a couple of new looks'

'Well, I think you could eliminate this one' said Hope, sounding like the smart-alecky pre-teen she regularly morphed into

Sara looked over at Mozzie, then at Neal and rolled her eyes. She'd had just about enough of this nonsense. Mozzie had all but begged her to release the painting her team had recovered as a result of the lead he'd given her but naturally, Sara had refused. The painting – a well known abstract piece by Jackson Pollock – was now safely stored in the holding unit at Sterling Bosh while it waited to be authenticated and released to his rightful owner.

'So, who's up for some rhubarb pie?' Neal asked, changing the subject

He needed to have a heart to heart with Mozzie – and soon. This whole 'disguise' thing was starting to be intrusive; even the kids were commenting on it. And if Mozzie _was _really in trouble, Neal might have to step in and give his buddy a helping hand.

WCWCWC

Sunday morning dawned, sunny and bright, the birds rising much too early to anyone's liking in the Caffrey household. Neal opened one eye and glanced over Sara's shoulder at the clock – six fifty three. Really? On a Sunday morning? The house was quiet and he immediately realized he had a familiar stirring, one that could probably be satisfied successfully with just a little bit of cooperation from his better half. He snuggled up to Sara's back, placing small butterfly kisses all along her shoulder and waited as she came to – which didn't take long at all.

'Is that you, Caffrey?' she asked, teasing, her voice still thick with sleep

'No, it's your hot latin lover' Neal responded, deadpan, more than happy to play along if that's what it took to get the job done

'Daddy?' they suddenly heard from the other side of their bedroom door

The kids knew better than to barge in when their parents' bedroom door was closed and both of them had gotten an eyeful once or twice which was more than sufficient motivation for them to stick to the agreed upon arrangement.

'What is it, Liam' Neal called out, barely slowing down the nipping at his wife's back

'I want to go play out front with my Hot Wheels' the boy answered

'Alright, stay in the front yard' answered Neal 'I'll be down in a little while to start breakfast'

Sara moaned in response as Neal continued on his diabolical quest for early morning sex. Sara was usually up for Sunday morning cuddling - she didn't need a whole lot of convincing at the best of times – but there was something about Sunday mornings that just begged for a little cozying up. She could feel her husband pressed up against her and she let out another less than motherly sound as she began to squirm, finally turning to face him.

'Oh, oh' she said, not the type of moan Neal was aiming for

'I shouldn't have moved' she said, feeling the room start to spin

Lately, she would get the familiar yet unwelcome stirring in the pit of her stomach whenever she started to move first thing in the morning and the unfortunate but familiar rumbling inevitably lead straight to the toilet bowl.

'Sorry, honey' she mumbled as she bolted from the bed to Neal's utter chagrin

He sat up on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through his hair, the mood suddenly broken and he watched as Sara returned with a wet facecloth in her hand, wiping at her face.

'Rain check?' she said demurely as she stood in their bedroom door

'I'm going to hold you to that' said Neal as he stood to make his way over to stand beside her

'Why don't you lie down and grab another few minutes while I get started downstairs' he suggested as he walked by, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead

'Thanks' she responded, slipping back into bed and resuming her previous position

Neal looked in on Hope who had somehow managed to ignore the loud singing outside her bedroom window and was still gently snoring. He made his way down the stairs, stopping to look out the front door before continuing on to the kitchen. There sat Liam, still in his pajamas, in a small corner of the flower bed, where he'd created a bunch of intertwined roadways for his miniature cars. Neal smiled at the sight and decided to get to work - within an hour, the whole clan would be clamoring for breakfast and he had stuff to do to get ready.

Truth be told, Neal enjoyed being alone in their kitchen in the early morning hours. The birds would be singing and he could admire his garden and the bird feeders through the kitchen window while he worked. He started the coffee maker, a hot cup of Italian Roast being a prerequisite to getting any work done. He took out the bread, eggs and sausages and was just about to get started when he heard a loud scream coming from the front of the house: Liam's scream. He dropped everything and literally ran to the front of the house where he found that Liam was no longer alone.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Neal reached the door in less than a half-dozen long strides and flung it open as he took in the sight before him.

'Mozzie!' he screamed as he opened the door

The man looked over at Neal and despite the plastered on clown make-up, Neal could see his face filled with concern

'I'm sorry, Liam. I didn't mean to scare you' Mozzie was saying, apologetically

'Well you did' answered Liam as he stood and faced his godfather

'Mozzie! Get the hell in here' Neal said, pulling him in by his gargantuan sleeve

'Who doesn't love a clown?' asked Mozzie as he stepped into the house

Neal rolled his eyes. 'What planet are you from Moz? Tons of kids hate clowns. Don't you remember how Liam reacted at the Westchester Fair two years ago?'

'Oh' Mozzie said 'I forgot about that'

'This has gone far enough Moz. You and I are going to have a little talk. You can't keep walking around the boroughs of New York in all kinds of accoutrements. Like walking around White Plains in a clown costume at seven in the morning on a Sunday wouldn't attract any unwanted attention.'

Neal glared at his friend before continuing 'Oh, I forgot who I was taking to for a minute' he added with a firm shake of his head.

They were interrupted by a couple of sets of footsteps coming down the stairs as the womenfolk made their way down to see what all the commotion was about.

'Mozzie' said Sara, shaking her head 'Is this about that fence again?'

'You don't know what it's like to have to live underground just to try to stay alive' Mozzie answered as he removed the clown nose and hat he was wearing

Sara let out a long suffering sigh. How did Neal ever put up with these shenanigans?

'Go! Get washed up and you can stay for breakfast. Then you and I are going to have a serious talk' said Neal, attempting to be the voice of reason

WCWCWC

'Why are we having sausages, anyway?' asked Hope as she pushed hers around in her plate 'I hate sausages and anyways, we always have bacon'

Neal looked over at Sara before answering. They had decided that they were going to tell the kids the news over breakfast and he silently asked her if she wanted to go ahead despite the uninvited guest sitting at the table. She gave him a small nod.

'Well, actually, we want to talk to you guys about something' Neal began

'What? Why we're having sausages instead of bacon?' asked Hope in a very cocky voice. Although she was normally a really agreeable and happy kid, lately she wasn't always helpful or kind with her comments and Neal glared at his daughter, urging her to bring down the sarcasm a peg or two.

'Well, not exactly but since you asked, we've switched to sausages because your mom can't stomach the smell of bacon at the moment' he began

Hope's eyes widened as she waited for the other shoe to drop. She remembered the last time her mom couldn't stand the smell of bacon and the reason for that was now sitting right next to her.

'Your mom and I are having a baby' he blurted out as Sara began gauging their reactions, her eyes going from her son to her daughter and the weird clown sitting between them

'Yay!' yelled Liam, spontaneously 'A baby brother!'

'Well, we don't know that yet. It could be a baby sister' answered Sara

'Finally! I won't be the baby of the family' added Liam as he tucked into his French toast with gusto

Hope continued to play with her food for a few seconds before standing abruptly almost knocking over her chair as she spoke loudly: 'Well, I think that's disgusting!' she said as she turned to make her way to the front door

'Hope Ellis-Caffrey! Turn around this minute' Neal said in an attempt to bring her back to the table.

Sara put her hand on her husband's arm as she spoke 'It's okay, Neal. Let her go'

The next sound that was heard was the front door slamming as Hope disappeared into the early morning sun.

WCWCWC

'What are you doing here at this hour, anyway?' asked Olivia Mason as she moved over to make room for her best friend next to her on the bed

They'd had dozens of sleepovers, sharing that bed over the years but Hope didn't usually show up at eight in the morning on a Sunday.

'You're never going to guess what happened' Hope answered, seething

'What?' said Olivia anticipating some horrible family crisis

Hope took a deep breath before answering. 'My parents are having another baby'

'Awww. That's sweet' answered Olivia as she took in her best friend's glare

'It is _not_! It's disgusting!' answered Hope

'What? Why is it disgusting?' asked Olivia as she sat up to look into her friend's eyes

'My dad's almost fifty for one thing. Who has a baby at fifty?' responded Hope as she began to calm down, relieved to finally be able to confide in her BFF

'So? A lot of people have babies later in life' answered Olivia 'Look at Mrs. Hines, she was at least forty five when she had Megan'

'I know. And look how that turned out' Hope said, spitefully

'Hope, I can't believe you just said that. Megan is a great kid. Everybody loves it when Mrs. Hines brings her to school with her' Olivia answered, disgust apparent in her voice.

Mrs. Hines had been Hope and Olivia's third grade teacher; their favorite teacher in fact. She had given birth to a child with Down's Syndrome who everybody at school adored. Little Megan was now four years old, with the sweetest of dispositions, the deepest dimples and the prettiest smile and everyone gravitated to her whenever she visited, wanting to play with her and dote on her. There could be much worse in life than having a little sister like Megan Hines and Hope realized her comment had been totally out of line.

'I know...' Hope answered, grudgingly 'It's not just that...'

'What then?' asked Olivia, looking into her friend's eyes. They shared everything and she knew Hope never held back.

'Well... I don't think it's normal to... you know... be having sex when you're that age. It's gross' she finally admitted

Although she made a small attempt at holding back her reaction, Olivia exploded with laughter.

'Are you kidding me?' she said as she finally caught her breath 'Look, I'm at your house all the time and I see how your parents are with each other. They're totally into each other - '

'Uhh, gross! Take that back' said Hope, visibly upset

'Are you kidding? They're _so_ cute together. The way your dad's always touching your mom when he walks by her and he thinks no one's looking and the way she stares into his eyes. I wish my parents still had that spark' said Olivia with a brief look of longing

'It's totally romantic' she added finally as Hope began to take in what her friend was saying

Maybe she was right. There were worse things in life than your parents still having the hots for each other, she reasoned. She just didn't want it in her face and now everyone in the neighborhood would know that they were still at it like a couple of teenagers.

'Look, having a baby sister or brother could be fun' reasoned Olivia 'Think of all the money you could make babysitting'

Hope shrugged. Now that she'd gotten it out of her system, she was feeling better but she knew she would be getting an earful when she got back home.

WCWCWC

'Thanks Donna. Figured as much' Neal was saying into the phone.

Their friend and neighbor, Donna Mason, had given the Caffreys a quick courtesy call to let them know that Hope had shown up on their doorstep a few minutes before. Not that Neal or Sara had much of a doubt. Hope and Olivia had been best friends for almost ten years and whenever Hope needed to talk to someone about some issue she didn't want to discuss with her parents, she did one of two things: head over to the Masons or call her Uncle Peter. And Neal didn't think Hope was going to be heading out to Brooklyn in her jammies.

He hung up and returned to his more immediate problem: the half dressed clown sitting at his kitchen table.

'Moz, you've gone too far this time! First of all, tell me why you think this guy is out there gunning for you? Have you actually seen him?' Neal asked as he leaned forward, trying to keep a straight face despite the make-up still dripping off his friend's face

'No... not exactly' responded Mozzie grudgingly

Neal needed a better answer than that and he crossed his arms as he waited for Mozzie to continue. They were having a second cup of coffee while Sara was upstairs showering and Liam was getting dressed for a Sunday play date with a friend from school. Whether Mozzie's fears were warranted or not, Neal could see that his buddy was really scared and it was time to step in and see what could be done to help him. Just to be on the safe side, Neal and Sara had temporarily curtailed all outings outside the house for Liam and his godfather and the kid was starting to ask questions. It was time to settle this, one way or the other.

'I've gotten messages from about five... 'people' who say that he knows I was the one who ratted him out and that's why Sterling Bosch magically showed up at the meet and recovered the painting' admitted Mozzie

'Okay. So, can you get word to him that you want to meet and discuss some sort of... alternate arrangement?' asked Neal, in solution mode

'Alternate arrangement? Neal he wants the painting back. He has a buyer and he stands to make a good commission' answered Mozzie

'Well, forget about it, Moz. That painting is safely stored at Sterling Bosh and we're not involving Sara in this. He's not getting that painting back -'

'Unless... someone broke in and stole it back' Mozzie interrupted

'No, Moz. That's not going to happen. Look, we can offer him something else. I'll go with you. Maybe, you can liquidate some assets...' Neal began before being interrupted once more

'No, this is my reputation, Neal!' Mozzie whined

'Oh, because walking around dressed up as Bozo for the rest of your life is the better solution here' Neal deadpanned

Mozzie looked at Neal, a note of embarrassment on his face as he nodded.

'And you'd come with me to the meet?' he asked, humbled by his friend's unconditional support

'When have I ever let you down, Moz?' asked Neal just as the front door was heard opening wide and footsteps began going up the stairs.

'Hope, is that you?' called out Neal

Within a few seconds, she stood in the doorway to the kitchen with the same sheepish look Neal had just seen on his best friend's face a moment before.

'Do you have anything to say for yourself?' he asked, sternly

'Sorry' she muttered not raising her eyes

'That's not good enough. Your mom deserves an explanation; she's upstairs' Neal said, his most serious 'dad face' on – he didn't have to use it very often with Hope but he had a feeling he'd be getting more practice in the future. The dreaded teenage years were upon them and the next few years were shaping up to be a wild and crazy roller-coaster ride.

'Yes, Daddy' answered Hope, the sweet docile Hope she was most of the time before hormones began ravaging her body

Neal gave her a head nod, sending her on her way and returned to his other problem child – Mozzie.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Sara was just finishing getting dressed when she suddenly saw her first-born child sticking her head in the door frame of her bedroom.

'Mom?' said Hope tentatively, unsure how her mom would react

'Hi Hope' Sara responded, her voice neutral

The child took a few hesitant steps into the room and her mom patted the bed, inviting her to sit next to her for a little heart to heart. Sara and Hope had a good, strong relationship mostly due to the fact that they could both give as good as they got – they were both strong and determined and Sara had never felt the need to coddle her daughter. Liam was a gentle, sensitive soul and Sara had to tread lightly around him in order to keep his self esteem intact but Hope... well Hope could take it. In Hope's case, her determination and strength were rounded out by some beautiful traits she'd inherited from her dad: his sensitivity and distinctive people skills.

But somehow, Hope and Sara would always find a middle ground – it might take a little while to get there but there was a mutual respect between mom and daughter and after 'having it out' they usually found a solution, even if it was to agree to disagree.

Hope sat down and looked up, obviously embarrassed, at her mom.

'I'm sorry Mom' she blurted out as she began to cry

Hope had never been much of a 'cryer'. Like her mom, she didn't like to show her feelings and she subscribed to the 'stiff upper lip' doctrine, most of the time.

'Hey, what's going on?' asked Sara as she pulled her daughter in, cradling her

'I don't know. My emotions are... all over the map' Hope admitted

'That's not like you, sweetheart' answered Sara as Hope pulled away to look into her mom's eyes

'Mom... I got my period this morning' Hope finally admitted

'Oh honey, why didn't you tell me!' exclaimed Sara as she ran her hand through her daughter's dark curls

'I think your news trumped my news' said Hope, embarrassed

'Of course not. That's a big day in a girl's life' said Sara, a proud smile on her face

Hope smiled through the tears, her eyes appearing even more blue than usual.

'Do you need me to get you anything right now?' asked Sara, preparing to stand up to get any item her daughter might need

'No, Olivia had ... something' answered Hope

Hope'd had a package of sanitary napkins and tampons safely tucked away in her sock drawer for the past year waiting for just this moment.

'I have something for you' said Sara as she stood momentarily and made her way to her bedroom closet coming away with a wicker basket, brimming with various items. Hope looked up at her mom questioningly and Sara sat, setting the item carefully between them.

'I prepared a special basket for you, just for today' said Sara, a warm smile on her face

Hope's eyes surveyed the contents as her mom began to take them out one by one.

'Well of course, there's an assortment of feminine products. These tampons are made for young girls like you and if you want to try those, I'll show you how they work. These you could wear overnight; they're more absorbent' she said as she placed the various items on the bed

'These pills are made just for girls your age for cramps... Are you having cramps?' Sara asked

'No' answered Hope as her eyes returned to the contents of the basket

'This is a hot water bottle. I used that a lot when I was a teenager. It helps to curl up in bed with it snug against your stomach. And here's some special bubble bath – it's soothing and it smells so good.' She stopped momentarily and glanced at her daughter who was taking it all in.

'And I got you some of your favorite magazines. Some days, you may just want to lie in bed and read and not do much else. Here's some candy. I used to get cravings...' Sara added as she placed a variety of Hope's favorite junk food on the bed

Suddenly, Sara was overcome with emotion and she began to tear up. It might have been her present state of hormonal fluctuation or just the realization that her little girl had now crossed over into womanhood – whatever the case, the tears began to flow as Sara continued pointing to the items she had lovingly collected to give to her daughter on this momentous occasion.

'Mom! I can't believe you did all this' said Hope, smiling

'Well, it's been sitting up in the closet for the past year' admitted Sara 'I kept eating the candy and replacing it...'

Hope laughed at the thought of her mom, usually so disciplined and regimented, ingesting copious amounts of Jolly Ranchers and Junior Mints when she got her period, then running out to the store to replace the eaten items.

'Thanks Mom! I love it!' Hope said, hugging her mom

'Oh and this' said Sara as she handed Hope a small box 'is a locket that my mom gave to me when I was your age'

Hope opened the box carefully, peeking in. She remembered seeing her mom wear it on occasion and her eyes met Sara's as her mouth lay agape.

'But mom, that's yours' said Hope, holding the sterling silver heart shaped pendant

'Well, it's _yours_ now. You're a young woman and I want you to have it' Sara said proudly

'But what if you have another...' Hope began as Sara put a finger to her lips to silence her

'Whether this baby is a boy or a girl, _you _are my first born daughter and I want you to have it'

Suddenly, Hope realized that no matter what the future held, she would always have that special bond with her mom and she reached up to give Sara a warm hug.

WCWCWC

Sunday night dinner was often shared by the Burkes and the Caffreys and on this day, Sara had invited Peter and Elizabeth over to White Plains. Peter was meeting with his doctor early in the week and she knew that both of them would be anxious to get the results of Peter's test and that they were having trouble coping with the wait. She thought a nice meal and some light conversation might do the trick. Neal and Sara had agreed this was not the right time to share their news – El and Peter had enough on their plate – and the group assembled in the dining room as Neal paraded in carrying a huge roast.

'Wow, that sure smells good' said Peter as he took in the aromas. Neal's roast was a million times better than Peter's oh-so-ordinary pot roast and he wasn't afraid to admit it.

Neal did the honors, carving up the meat and placing it on a serving platter while everyone began to dig in. Mozzie had been invited on the condition that he come as _himself_ and he had shown up with a cap and a jean jacket (admittedly not his usual style) but he'd removed said items and looked very Mozzie-like as he sat next to Liam, excitedly discussing their ongoing Yahtzee tournament.

'So, any new and exciting happenings at White Collar?' Neal asked, trying to get the conversation jump-started.

'Awww. You know – same old, same old' said Peter, lacklustre, not doing a very good job of hiding his anxiety

'Well, over at the office this week, we recovered a very rare Egyptian sculpture – one without an identified artist' said Neal.

He'd always been a skilled conversationalist and this party looked like it needed an injection of... something.

'Wow, must be old' said Elizabeth, digging into her food with enthusiasm. Lately, she hadn't felt much like cooking and she was enjoying the aromas floating around the room.

'Yeah, some of these artifacts were not even attributed to a particular artist – at the time, they were a dime a dozen. Of course now... this one is from the 1300s' added Neal

'Dad, could we talk about something from this century?' asked Liam, bored out of his mind

Liam liked sports and he liked to move and conversations about 700-year-old artifacts just weren't cutting it.

'Alright, buddy' agreed Neal 'What would you like to talk about?'

Between Mozzie's animated review of a book he was reading about the government's espionage of the American people through the use of microchips imbedded in toilet paper and Liam going on about his school's basketball team, the more touchy subjects were avoided and everyone dispersed after dinner with Neal and Peter settling in on the back porch of the Caffrey home.

The coffee was hot and fragrant, the garden warm and inviting and the crickets chirped as the sun came down on this late summer evening.

'How are you holding up?' Neal asked

'You know, give me a problem to resolve and I'm there but... not knowing, waiting... is the hardest part' answered Peter as he took a long sip of coffee

Neal nodded sympathetically.

'How did you and Sara ever get through that whole period when she was sick?' Peter asked. He and El had been on the periphery back then, feeling useless as they'd watched Neal's anguish and Sara's struggle and he had always admired their ability to get through that horrible year in their life.

'You're right. Not knowing is the hardest – well, second hardest, I guess. Not being able to do anything for the person you love, _that's_ the hardest' Neal said, a faraway look in his eyes

He was reliving the long months of diagnosis and treatment and how Sara had shut him out, in the beginning, and his feeling of utter helplessness and ineptitude as he watched her suffer.

'But' he continued, throwing Peter a lifeline 'I think for both of us, knowing people were there to support us helped an awful lot'

Neal let out a sardonic laugh and continued: 'Do you remember that night you came and collected me at that awful bar – I was stinking drunk and you talked some sense into me and brought me home'

Peter laughed as he recalled the incident. It was anything but funny at the time, but ten years later, all he could remember was Neal's poor, hapless face as he realized how foolish he'd been in behaving in such an irresponsible way.

After a moment of awkward silence, Neal spoke up.

'You know, I'm here, right?' he said, raising his eyes to look straight into Peter's

'I _do_ know' Peter said softly as he smiled at his friend

WCWCWC

Neal was deep in thought and never heard his wife sneak up behind him and he let out a small gasp when she leaned in to give him a quick hug. The guests had left over an hour before, Elizabeth thankful as she carried out a dozen or so meals that Neal had prepared to tide them over the next few weeks.

Neal looked up at his wife, his eyes a complex mixture of ... Sara wasn't quite sure what. She noticed the calculator nearby and the notes littering the kitchen table.

'What's all this?' she asked as she took a seat next to him and began reading over his notes

'Well, we have to find another room in this house for the new baby' said Neal

Sara had been so wrapped up in the emotions of telling the kids about the pregnancy and just coping with the physical changes to her body, that she hadn't given the matter much thought.

'The way I see it, we have a couple of options' Neal continued 'I could move my studio out of the house... rent a space somewhere'

'Oh, Neal, no!' said Sara 'That studio means so much to both you and Hope, you can't give it up'

Neal conceded that moving it to a rented location would be difficult and costly. He spent every extra minute down there and he loved the fact that, at a moment's notice, he and Hope could head down there to spend some quality time together.

'Well, that leaves the attic' he said with a sigh

'You mean make it into a fourth bedroom?' asked Sara

'Yeah, well, if we need to, we could have the baby in with us for the first year...' he began

Sara rolled her eyes. Having a baby five feet from your bed was less than restful at the best of times and it played havoc with one's love life.

'I was thinking maybe Hope would like to have more privacy and move up to the third floor to her own space. We'd probably have to put in another bathroom too...' Neal continued as he began moving papers around on the table.

Sara knew that what Neal was suggesting was an expensive proposition and suddenly she realized why she was picking up on that look of sadness in her husband's eyes. For the past five years, Neal and Sara had been steadfastly putting money away for Neal's pipe dream: his very own art gallery. They knew it was a long term proposition but they were making good headway and they'd already pulled together several thousand dollars. They thought their goal was in sight – another four or five years would do it. A major renovation such as this would totally wipe out their savings and she realized that Neal was just clueing in to what the implications were.

'Would it wipe out _all _of our savings?' Sara asked

'Maybe not all, but it would set us back a good three, four years' he conceded, reaching out for his wife and inviting her to sit on his lap

'Neal...' she began as she lovingly touched his cheek

'Sshh. Don't say it' he whispered as he pulled her in to kiss her

'This is just trading one dream for another dream' he said lovingly as he continued to run his hand up and down her cheek

Sara put her arms around Neal's neck and settled his face up against her chest, holding him firmly against her.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Dr. Samuels was running late and Elizabeth and Peter waited in silence as one patient after another was escorted to the back offices. Their appointment was scheduled for 2:50 and it was already almost three thirty. El's hand had not let go of Peter's and although the room was brim with magazines and newspapers, neither one of them had the inclination to pick one up.

The receptionist finally called Peter's name and the two of them were up like a shot, following her into the inner sanctum and being shown to one of the many examination rooms at the back of the clinic's offices.

'Please change into this gown in case the doctor wants to do a physical examination' she instructed before leaving Peter and El alone, waiting... again.

It took no more than ten minutes and the kind doctor appeared, looking very professional and reassuring, just what Peter needed seeing he was sitting there with just a thin piece of material and his pride slightly wounded. Peter didn't like this type of attention – never had. He was the world's worst patient, denying it when he was sick and not following directions willingly. El had been face to face with Peter, the rebel, on many occasions in their long marriage and she silently wished the doctor good luck as he stepped into the room.

'Peter, hello' said the doctor, shaking his hand

'And Elizabeth' he added as he smiled at her

'I have the results of your blood work and your PSA levels are, indeed, elevated. But nowadays, we are finding that there are many possible reasons for that. However, in your case, you have quite a few other signs that concern me so, today, I'd like to do a digital rectal exam. Then Elizabeth can join us in the office and we can talk about the next steps. That sound good?' the doctor concluded

'Let's do it' said Peter

WCWCWC

The phone on Neal Caffrey's desk at Finch and Johns rang and he momentarily tore his gaze away from the sculpture he was examining to see who was calling. Private number. It could be just about anyone and Neal hesitated before finally picking up and chirping his usual greeting.

'Neal Caffrey' he said into the phone

'Neal' the familiar voice whispered 'Is this call being monitored'

'I doubt it' Neal answered deliberately and slow '... and hello to you too, Moz'

'I finally got us an audience with The Predator' he said, sounding ominous

'An audience...' Neal repeated 'Who is this guy, Moz, the Pope?'

The humor was lost on Mozzie, as usual, and he just charged ahead, obviously on high alert.

'He said he'd see me at his usual haunt, the Primrose. Tonight... after dark' Mozzie continued, as if describing some covert operation.

'Well, let me see if my mommy will let me out after supper...' answered Neal, having fun at his friend's expense.

'Neal, this is no time for your failed attempts at humor' Mozzie warned

'Fine, fine. I said I'd go with you and I will. But we need some sort of strategy; come for dinner and we'll see what we can come up with' said Neal before hanging up

Not for the first time, he mused that whoever had coined the phrases 'high maintenance' and 'drama queen' surely had Mozzie in mind.

WCWCWC

'So, alone today?' asked Dr. Cooper as Sara sat across from her in the doctor's office

'Yeah, well, appointments every two weeks... Neal's going to try to come as much as he can' Sara responded

'Of course. How have you been feeling?' asked the doctor

'Not bad. Tired, well, exhausted' Sara admitted reluctantly

'Well, a third pregnancy in your mid-forties with a full-time job and two kids at home...' she responded, letting Sara draw her own conclusions

'It's a fourth pregnancy, actually...' Sara added sheepishly referring to the baby she'd lost during her cancer treatments. Although that seemed like ancient history, Sara never wanted to forget that little baby that might have been.

'You're right, sorry. That momentarily slipped my mind' admitted the doctor

'How's the morning sickness?' she added

'Still every day, pretty well. But I've got it down to an art. It's usually quick and... well not painless exactly, but quick and then I'm usually good for the rest of the day unless someone decides to cook bacon' Sara said

'Ah, yes. Trigger foods. For me it was the smell of coffee. I would gag as soon as I got a whiff. I get it' said the doctor

Sara smiled obligingly.

'Still haven't changed your mind about genetic testing?' she asked kindly

'Nope' Sara responded, resolute

'How about spotting? Any of that?' Dr. Cooper asked

'Not so far' Sara answered

'That's good. Look, in a few weeks it'll be time for the twelve week ultrasound. I'll set it up. Until then, try to get some rest and see if you can reduce your work schedule' added the doctor before standing to leave

'See you in two weeks' said Sara as she followed her out of the office

WCWCWC

In another doctor's office in another part of town, Elizabeth Burke sat in Dr. Samuels' office looking around at the man's many awards and certificates lining the walls as she waited for him and Peter to return. She was incredibly protective of Peter and if it hadn't been totally inappropriate and pathetic, she might have asked to stay and hold her husband's hand during the test. But El knew social (and medical) convention and so she'd politely left the room to let the doctor go about his business.

The door opened and Peter appeared making his way to sit in the chair next to her.

'How was it?' she asked – stupid question

He rolled his eyes. 'I can tell you all about it over dinner but let's not, okay' he responded tongue in cheek

El let out a long sigh. She hated it when Peter made light of such things; he was always downplaying things and that's what had gotten them to this point in the first place.

The door opened again; this time Dr. Samuels appeared, a kind non-committal smile on his face – probably the same one he used whether telling a patient he had stage 4 cancer or that it was a false alarm. Being a doctor meant keeping things on an even keel as much for your patients as for yourself.

Elizabeth sat up straighter, almost jumping out of her chair.

'Well, Peter. Your prostate is definitely enlarged and that is what is causing all those symptoms you've been having. That, along with your high PSA levels, is worthy of further examination. What I'd like to suggest at this point is two things: I want to do what's called a transrectal ultrasound, a procedure in which a probe about the size of a finger is inserted and we can get images – like a sonogram when a woman is pregnant. And I'd like to do a biopsy – that's removing cells so we can have them looked at by a pathologist'

Peter noticed that El sat up even straighter at the word 'biopsy' – everybody knew that word was associated with the word 'cancer'.

Finally, she couldn't hold it in any longer. 'So, you think Peter has prostate cancer?' she asked

Peter looked over at his wife, slightly annoyed. Being in a doctor's office with El was like being ten years old all over again and sitting next to your mom who did all the talking for you.

Dr. Samuels, smart man that he was, had seen more than his share of worried wives and he turned his attention back to his patient.

'Peter, it is looking more and more suspicious for prostate cancer but we still need to gather a lot more information before we can talk about a diagnosis or treatment options'

Peter nodded stoically. He'd been doing a lot of reading (behind Elizabeth's back) and he knew that a good diagnosis was key to treating this type of cancer successfully. He piped up before El could open her mouth again.

'I understand doctor' he said

'So, we'll schedule the tests, hopefully this week, and we'll be in touch' Dr. Samuels said as he rose, indicating that the appointment was over.

Elizabeth opened her mouth to speak but thought better of it when she got a glimpse at the look on Peter's face – a look definitely directed at her. She stood up dutifully and followed her husband out of the office.

WCWCWC

'I'm home' Neal called out as he strolled in looking a little too well put together for late afternoon, something that was becoming more and more of an aggravation for Sara. Although she started the day looking her usual spry self and she was still able to wear her signature four inch heels, by the middle of the afternoon, she felt like a wilted flower, sometimes barely having the energy to crawl back home to regenerate.

Neal, on the other hand, always looked the same: his suit still pressed, his hair mostly still in place and his face looking energetic as if he was ready to face a new day. She gave him a long-suffering look as he stepped into the kitchen and it didn't take him long to draw his own conclusions as to her thoughts, based on his wife's unruly appearance.

'Hey! What are you doing? I told you, no work for you when you get home' he said, making his way to where Sara stood, cutting up vegetables

He pulled her over to the couch in the nearby family room and sat her down forcibly, taking a moment to take off his jacket, loosen his tie and sit down next to her. Sara just looked at him, totally mesmerized by his energy and vitality.

'It's not fair!' she muttered

'What? That you're exhausted all the time?' he asked, getting it on the first try

She nodded reluctantly.

'Well, you _are_ doing the most important job of all in this family right now – and you're doing it 24/7' he said as he let his hand linger on her belly and a proud smile appear his face. His job on the 'baby-making' mission was long done and it had been immensely more pleasant than what his wife had to endure for nine months.

Neal always had a way of putting a spin on things – once a conman, always a conman – and she could barely stifle the smile that appeared on her lips.

'You know, the first trimester is always the worse. You'll start to feel better in a couple of weeks' he said, putting his arm around her shoulder. 'But in the meantime, you have to let me pick up the slack around here, okay?'

'Okay' she said

'How did the doctor's appointment go?' he asked looking into her eyes in order to get the real deal. He hated missing the scheduled appointments but he couldn't afford to take the time off every two weeks and they'd agreed that later on, he'd start attending regularly. In exchange, Sara had committed to telling him everything – and he did mean everything – even if at times, he had to pry certain details from her.

'Totally non-descript. Same old stuff' she said with a long sigh 'Oh, but it'll be time for the twelve week ultrasound soon'

'Ooooh' said Neal suddenly excited 'This is where we find out if we're dealing with Claire or Carl'

'You are kidding with those names, right? Anyway, yeah, usually they can tell us if it's a boy or a girl' she said

'Any preferences?' asked Neal as he looked at his wife. They hadn't really discussed it but he'd always had a fondness for little girls and even though he adored his son, he was secretly hoping to round out the family with a little princess he could spoil rotten.

'I'm not going there' she said – she really didn't care although she could guess at what Neal's penchant was

'Well, I hate to break it to you but I've invited Mozzie for dinner. He got us a meeting tonight with that guy he screwed out of that painting so I said I'd go along for moral support'

'You don't think that guy's really dangerous, do you?' she asked with concern

'I doubt it. He just wants his pound of flesh. And by that I mean, his share of the potential profits. Hurting Mozzie isn't going to give him what he needs' explained Neal

'Okay, well just be careful. I don't like you going out and meeting with these thugs' she said, small worry lines forming between her eyes

'All in a day's work, ma'am' he answered with a Southern twang

She pulled at his tie, bringing him closer and placed a small kiss on his lips 'And don't ever call me, ma'am!'

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Menus for mid-week dinners at the Caffreys were rather uninspired, although there was always plenty of nutritious food on the table. Neal saved the more complex and exotic fare for the weekend, usually trying to initiate Liam and Hope to new and interesting foods. They sat at the kitchen table on this night munching on a Mexican themed meal: tacos and a salad.

The kids obviously had other more pressing activities to get to and they disappeared just as fast as the food on their plates had vanished, leaving the threesome of Sara, Mozzie and Neal sitting around the table discussing the meeting with Johnny Berlinger which was scheduled for 8:00 in a seedy diner in the Bronx. Mozzie was 'off the charts' nervous and Neal began to wonder if he shouldn't slip him a Valium in his coffee to take the edge off.

'First off Moz, lose the attitude. You have to go in confident and strong – like you did _nothing_ wrong' Neal was saying

'Well, I kinda...' Mozzie began

'Yes, you did. You _thoroughly_ messed up but now you have to go in letting him know that you're not intimidated by his threats' Neal continued

'Threats?' Sara piped up. 'Neal, you didn't say anything about any threats'

Neal realized the error of his ways and immediately attempted a U-turn. 'Sara, there are no threats. Mozzie just heard that this guy's not happy with him'

Sara looked sideways at her husband – she knew a redirect when she heard one. If Neal was going along, surely he'd weighed the chances of any real danger – after all, he met with snitches for a living and nobody was going to gun someone down in the middle of a diner at 8:00 on a weeknight (or so she hoped).

'So, what have you come up with?' Neal asked, turning to Mozzie

He had given Mozzie the task of coming up with a couple of appealing options that might get Berlinger off his back. The painting itself was worth more than a million dollars and the fence's take might have been anywhere between 10 and 15% of the estimated value. Mozzie was balking at the thought of parting with any of his own treasures but he was smart enough to know he was in survival mode.

'I could offer him what I made from Sterling Bosch when Sara recovered it' he said tentatively, testing the waters

'Moz, please! Can we be serious?' Neal said impatiently. Mozzie had been paid 10% of the 2% Sara had gotten for the recovery – all told nowhere near the amount Berlinger stood to make.

'All right, all right! I'll offer to cover his losses' said Mozzie grudgingly

'That might not be enough for him' Neal warned 'This guy just burned a client – maybe a loyal client. He's gonna want more, Mozzie. Do you have anything in your' Neal cleared his throat as he chose his words carefully '... reserves'

'May I speak freely?' Mozzie asked, looking over at Sara who just let out a sarcastic laugh

'It's a little late for that, don't you think?' she said

'Fine' he said, blustery 'I do have a smaller Pollock I could put on the table'

'Great. Did you bring a picture?' Neal asked

Mozzie reached into his pocket, producing a small collection of burner phones before choosing the right one and showing Neal the photograph he'd taken.

'Oh! One of his earlier untitled pieces; good choice. You've been holding out on me, Moz!' Neal said with admiration

Sara looked on with interest. She wondered where this piece had originated from and she made a mental note to check at work and see if there were any outstanding 'missing' Pollocks still floating out there.

Finally, Neal made a move to stand up.

'Alright, well, it's time to go' said Neal as he looked at his buddy, noting that he seemed more confident than when they'd first started talking

'Do I have to say it?' asked Sara as she stood to walk them out

'No, you don't' said Neal, his voice confident as he kissed his wife goodbye. 'And don't do the dishes, I'll do them when I get back' he added wagging his finger.

He turned and followed Mozzie into the summer night.

WCWCWC

'I'm glad you called. I wasn't sure you'd be up to talking about things' Sara said as she walked over to the couch in the living room and handed Elizabeth a cup of tea

'Well, Peter went back to work for a few hours and it felt like the walls were caving in on me' admitted Elizabeth as she gratefully took the cup from her best friend

'So? How did it go today?' asked Sara, not wanting to pry but feeling El's need to talk things out

'Well, you know Peter. Always looking like nothing could get to him – even if there's a Mac truck headed right for him' answered Elizabeth as she blew gently on her tea to cool it

Sara listened patiently. She remembered the first few weeks as she waited to get her cancer diagnosis, not knowing what was up ahead. She and Peter were similar in that way – they tended to cowboy up and just keep a lid on their fears and insecurities. But they were both married to very sensitive people and although Neal had taken his cue from her and just stood by her stoically, she knew he'd been going out of his mind. She wondered if El had it in her to hold back and give Peter his space – maybe her job here, besides supporting her best friend, was to help her see Peter's point of view.

'Well, maybe Peter needs to work things out for himself first' Sara said, opening up on the subject

'Tell me about it. It drives me nuts. The more I try to get to him to talk about his feelings, the more he clams up' she admitted

Sara just sat there in silence; maybe Elizabeth would _get it_ if she just took the time to listen to her own words.

'What?' El finally said after a few seconds of silence 'You think I should lay off him and let him work things out?'

'I didn't say that' answered Sara. Everyone was different; she just knew that she had needed to process things herself before letting Neal in and that sometimes, in their case, it took a little longer than others.

'What about you? How did you cope with things in the beginning?' asked Elizabeth sensing she might have a lesson to learn here

'Well, you know Neal. He wears his heart on his sleeve and at first, I could see him desperately trying to get me to open up. But I was dealing with my own stuff and I couldn't worry about hurting his feelings so I... basically clammed up for a while' Sara said, a faraway look in her eyes

'But why would you do that. You know how much Neal loves you. That's what I don't understand about Peter. I want to talk about it because I love him so much...' El said, her voice getting a little shaky

'And he knows that, the same way I knew that Neal... but we each process things differently and I needed some space and the last thing I needed was having Neal on my case about 'sharing my thoughts and feelings' confided Sara

Elizabeth looked at Sara intently. She knew there was a grain of truth in what she was saying. Peter hated having attention heaped on him and when she coddled him and nagged him, it wasn't perceived as her being supportive, she was unknowingly pushing him away. But this was how El loved – this was 'her way' and she wondered how she could love him any differently. The thought brought unbidden tears and Sara reached over and took her hand, gently squeezing it.

'You'll find your own way of coping, El. Just keep the channels of communication open and try to back off – just a little' she added bringing her thumb and index finger together in a visual

Elizabeth laughed through the tears and reached out to hug her friend. Whether she could discuss her worries with Peter or not, she knew she had someone she could confide in.

WCWCWC

The part of town in which The Primrose was located was seedy and littered with small time criminals and Mozzie and Neal made their way up the street with confidence (never let them see you sweat, the Caffrey credo). They'd both been down in this area many times, running scams, meeting contacts and generally being up to no good. Neal often frequented this area as an employee of Finch and Johns these days, the flip side of his life before his transformation but regardless of which side of the tracks you stood, the place never changed. They finally spotted the hangout half way down a row of similar establishments.

The instructions had been to ask for a meeting with The Predator at the bar and they would be directed to 'his' table. He apparently held court there on a regular basis. Neal had dressed down for the occasion, jeans and a polo and Mozzie well, despite wishing he could sink under the floor, Mozzie was his usual flamboyant self wearing a loud yellow shirt and a dark oversize trench coat, despite the warm evening.

The guy behind the bar barely blinked when Mozzie dramatically asked for 'The Predator'. It sounded like some bad B-movie but the guy just pointed to a booth towards the back and Neal ordered two beers (to Mozzie's horror) and the men took their drinks over, trying to look like they belonged in this dive.

The guy was definitely making Mozzie sweat and he waited until they'd made it half-way through their beer before he finally made an appearance, looming over them – all six foot five of him. He was a bear of a man and Neal began to understand Mozzie's fears; if this guy decided he was going to teach you a lesson, you would definitely be in need of a visit to the nearest emergency room. Luckily, Neal had brought along his secret weapon, his silver tongue.

'Berlinger' Neal said standing and offering his hand 'Nice to finally meet you. Your reputation precedes you'

'Sit down' he said gruffly as he folded his huge frame into the booth across from them

(Strike one)

'Talk, Mozzie. Do you have the painting?' the man asked, totally ignoring Neal and zeroing in on the bald little man who was causing him grief

'I have something even better' began Mozzie excitedly, fumbling for his phone

He was immediately cut off by the thug – not a nice guy – and he was reminded of why this guy had made his way onto Mozzie's blacklist in the first place.

'Where's the painting?' he repeated louder

(Strike two)

Neal thought he'd try his luck. 'Look Berlinger. We _can't _get you the painting but we could get you...'

Again, the guy just glared and this time he stood, looming over them. He obviously wasn't impressed with Mozzie's offer or Neal's negotiation skills.

'You have one week to get me that painting or else I'll flatten you' he said, man of a few words

(Strike three)

The meeting was over in less than two minutes and Neal and Mozzie exchanged glances, anxious to get the hell out of this place.

'That went well' Neal said as they rose to leave

WCWCWC

By the time Neal made it home to White Plains, the house on Meadowbrook Street was dark and quiet. He thought about his most ordinary, uneventful life and let out a sigh, never happier to make it home. He and Mozzie had regrouped at a far less contentious out of the way bar and they had strategized until they'd come up with what he thought was the only logical solution to their dilemma. He had to come clean to his wife though, because he had a not so 'legal' part to play in the caper and long gone were the days when he'd do anything of that nature without discussing it with Sara first.

He tiptoed up to their bedroom, jacket flung over his arm, and noticed that Sara was sitting up in bed, reading.

'Hey' he said 'I thought you'd be sound asleep'

She shrugged. Truth was, she'd already slept a couple of hours but had woken up abruptly about twenty minutes earlier, realizing Neal hadn't made it home yet and she had become a little worried.

'That was a helluva meeting' she said, putting her book and reading glasses down on the bedside table.

Neal sat on the edge of the bed taking off his shoes and socks. He stood and removed his tie, his shirt, pants and underwear and made his way to get some silk pajama bottoms while they both remained silent. Some things were better discussed in the warmth of your bed as you held your significant other against you. He made a quick detour to the washroom and within minutes, they were settled into each others' arms, that place where they had their most intimate talks and where they'd made most of their important decisions over the years.

'Yeah. We need to talk' said Neal

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

'That sounds ominous' said Sara as she curled in nice and close to her husband

'Well, the guy is definitely scary' Neal admitted 'He wants nothing less than the Pollock that was recovered. This guy obviously has a client he does _not_ want to disappoint'

'You mean he didn't want _any_ of the stuff Mozzie had to offer?' Sara asked

She felt Neal shake his head against the pillow in response.

'Nada. He's adamant' Neal answered

'Do you think this guy could hurt Mozzie?' she asked, concern rising in her voice

'Oh, yeah. This guy means business and he's majorly pissed at Mozzie' Neal said

'That's it. I'm not taking any more leads on recoveries from Mozzie' said Sara, determined. The arrangement had been mutually beneficial up to this point but she'd never dreamed it could lead to something like this.

'I think Moz has woken up the giant this time – his greed got the better of him. But Sara, I can't leave him like that. Not unless you want us to hide him in the basement for the rest of our lives' Neal said, his voice quiet

Sara listened, trying to infer what he was leading up to. Finally, she spoke up.

'You want me to look the other way while you steal it back?' she asked, in horror, thinking about the implications for herself and for Neal

'No, no!' Neal said adamantly. 'Look, I'll do just about anything for Mozzie but I would never ask you to put your job at risk and I sure as hell am not going back to jail after all this time'

'Then what?' she asked, unsure where this was all leading

'Well, this guy's not the sharpest tool in the shed and I don't know about his client but...' he began as Sara finally clued in to where this was going. She knew her husband well, how he reasoned, where his talents lay.

'You want to do a forgery' she said finally

'I could make a _copy_' he corrected 'and leave it hanging around'

'Neal, you can't be directly involved in this' Sara said, alarmed

'I know that' he responded calmly

He certainly knew there was a fine line between mimicking an artist, simply copying his style and knowingly trying to pass off a copy as an original. That was the line between a copy and a forgery and the latter could land him straight back in the slammer.

'Oh, Neal! What if you get caught?' Sara asked

'How could I get caught? I make a copy – which is perfectly legal – someone steals it from our house, unbeknownst to me...'

'And Mozzie's okay with carrying out the second part of the plan on his own?' she asked. She wanted Neal as far away from this as possible.

'Moz? That's business as usual for him' said Neal, trying to make light of the situation

'Oh, God. Why does he always land himself in these messes? Did you ever find out why this guy was on Mozzie's enemy list in the first place?' she asked

Neal could only imagine Sara's reaction to his answer but he wasn't about to try to deceive her either. He hummed and hawed for a moment before saying:

'Apparently, he had the misfortune of commenting on a shirt Moz was wearing once. Called it pink instead of salmon' he said, not believing the reason himself

'Please! Buy Mozzie some new shirts and tell him to grow a pair' she answered in her no-nonsense Sara Ellis way

'I do need a favor, though' Neal continued, stifling a laugh

'You want me to get you in to look at the original' she said without missing a beat

'I love how you know me so well' he said turning and placing a kiss on her lips

Now that the tension was relieved, he was suddenly feeling amorous and he made a move that Sara recognized as an overture before she took his chin in her hand and pulled his face away temporarily.

'Neal, Elizabeth came over tonight' she said, her voice serious

'With all this crap going on, I totally forgot today was Peter's appointment. How did it go?' he asked, momentarily setting aside his romantic intentions

'Not much to report. The doctor did some type of internal examination' she said

'Ughhh' Neal couldn't help but respond as he imagined such a test. Whatever stirrings he'd been feeling a moment before just vanished at the thought.

'But they are using the word 'cancer' and he's got Peter going for some type of MRI and a biopsy' Sara explained

'Oh no' said Neal 'I'll call him in the morning'

'Neal, I think you need to talk to Elizabeth too. She's really struggling with how much to push. You know how she can be a little ... intense and Peter, well he's being strong, 'nothing can get to me' Peter and she's having trouble letting him have his space'

Neal scoffed at the scenario which sounded vaguely familiar.

'You think it would help if I talked to her about how I was feeling when...' he began

'I just think you two have a lot in common – being married to a couple of control freaks who don't easily share their feelings'

'Well, I happen to _love_ my control freak' Neal said sweetly

'Oh yeah?' Sara asked, now suddenly open to his amorous advances

She ran her hand down his chest and was headed straight for the edge of his sleep pants when Neal's hand stopped her. He was having trouble getting the visuals of rectal examinations out of his head and he kissed her sweetly on the nose.

'You know... I'm good' he said, an unusual rebuff on his part 'How about I set the alarm for an hour earlier?'

'Alright Caffrey, I'll let you off the hook' she said as she turned over, inviting him to curl up behind her

WCWCWC

The offices of the White Collar Unit looked exactly as they always had when Neal strolled in, his usual strut causing heads to turn as he always knew it did. Regardless of his advancing age or the reason he was walking into a room, Neal knew how to get everyone's attention – and that would never change.

'Caffrey' Jones called out from his office up on the promenade 'Come on up!'

Neal sauntered up the stairs, noticing that Diana was sitting in Jones's office, feet up on the desk, cup of coffee in hand.

'Hey, I see I've caught you in the middle of a very important case' Neal uttered in jest

'Well, we can't always be running around shooting bad guys' said Diana, standing to give him a quick hug

'What brings you out here today? Run out of work over there at Finch and Johns?' asked Jones, mockingly

Although Neal had worked with the crew on two occasions over the past year, his official visits to the Unit were rather rare as of late and consisted mostly of social calls to Peter.

'On my way to Sterling Bosch for a meeting actually but I thought I'd stop in for a surprise visit' Neal answered as he looked over to the next office, Peter's office which sat empty at the moment.

'Yeah, Peter had a meeting with the big shots from DC this morning but he should be back any minute' explained Diana

'So...' Neal began, not wanting to be indiscreet 'How's Peter doing these days?'

'You know Peter, can't read anything on that face of his. But I've known my boss long enough to know his tells' said Diana

'Yeah, we're trying to give him some space but every once in a while he'll space out in the middle of a conversation before snapping right back into it' added Jones

'Well, waiting for a diagnosis is no fun' countered Neal 'Believe me...'

Diana piped up 'So how's Sara ... and the kids?' she asked

'Everybody's great!' Neal said before catching himself. He was about to mention the pregnancy when he realized it just wouldn't do to share the news with Jones and Diana when Peter and Elizabeth still hadn't been told. Sara was now close to ten weeks along and it was time to come clean to their best friends.

'So this is what happens when the cat's away' came Peter's familiar voice from behind Neal, making him jump

'Peter!' he said, happy to lay eyes on his best friend

'Hey!' responded Peter giving Neal a friendly tap on the shoulder 'What brings you to White Collar?'

'On my way to see Sara at Sterling Bosh and took a chance you'd be in' Neal said 'Wanted to invite you guys over for dinner tonight'

'On a week night?' asked Peter 'Sure, let me check with El and I'll call you back'

Neal bid everyone goodbye; although he was just as worried about Peter as he'd been before, he'd at least seen him for himself and he'd found exactly what he'd always found: strong, dependable Peter keeping everything under wraps.

WCWCWC

'Hi Jenny, how are you?' Neal asked, smiling broadly, as he walked into the outer area of Sara's office.

Jenny Birchard had been Sara's assistant for going on four years – a record for Sara and a testament to her mellowing approach to staff as the years passed. Since Neal had known Sara – going on over fifteen years – he'd seen her go through more than her share of assistants.

'Mr. Caffrey' she gushed. Although she was less than thirty years old, she knew a gorgeous guy when she saw one and Neal never missed out on an opportunity to turn on the charm whenever he visited.

'I think my wife is expecting me' he said, his megawatt smile still firmly in place

'She is. But she had to meet with someone and she asked if you could join her in the 38th floor waiting room' said the young woman, swooning

'Sure thing. You take care' he said, giving her a small wink and making his way back to the elevator.

Neal never understood why people hesitated about being friendly; it didn't cost a dime to smile and be friendly and it made everyone feel good. Win-win. He took the elevator up to the 38th floor; he knew from previous visits that that was where Sterling Bosch kept its recovery room, a temperature controlled area where items were brought in for storage while they awaited being authenticated and returned to their rightful owners. Finch and Johns had a room which was almost identical and he spent many waking hours there, scrutinizing rare and expensive artifacts.

He settled in the opulent waiting room and almost immediately spotted his wife coming up the hall towards him with a man by her side, her face animated as she probably discussed some recovery. She was wearing a turquoise dress, slightly off the shoulder, tight up against her hips and ending just above the knee. Her usual four inch heels (which he knew she would have to forgo soon – at least temporarily) made her legs look like they went all the way up to her neck. She turned sideways and Neal scrutinized her belly – ever so slightly rounded as she let her posture slump for just an instant. To the naked eye, the tiny baby bump would be undetectable but to a loving husband, it was a major turn-on and Neal felt that familiar stirring he'd been working on getting taken care of for the past couple of days. Early morning hadn't been conducive to connecting and he was feeling increasingly unfulfilled after a few days of dearth.

Sara was now standing before him, alone, having ditched her colleague along the way, and he stood, putting his hands in his pockets and discreetly adjusting his pants for comfort.

'Caffrey' she said, her voice deep 'What have you been up to?'

Neal just gave her an innocent shrug; as discreet as he'd tried to be, she could read the situation (or rather her husband) like a book and she gave him a brief look which was a mixture of desire and admonishment. They walked over to the check-in desk, a prerequisite for entering the inner sanctum.

'This is Mr. Caffrey from Finch and Johns' Sara said to the attendant who was manning the desk

The man checked his list and nodded them through.

The 38th floor was the most closely guarded floor in the building but once you got in past the guards and electronic system, you were pretty well free to circulate as you wanted. Sara looked down at the sign-in ledger, noticing there was no one presently logged in and she signalled Neal to follow her down a long narrow hallway. Neal stared, hypnotized, as she walked in front of him, her hips swaying, his mind having difficulty staying on task. It said a lot about his feelings for his wife that he could be so totally captivated by her when he was about to enter what was akin to a candy store for a man like Neal Caffrey. Sure, he was used to roaming the shelves in the Finch and Johns recovery room but this was all 'new' stuff and he couldn't decide what was turning him on more – the thought of all the goodies he was about to see or the idea of having his way with his beautiful wife high atop Manhattan.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Neal followed Sara all the way down the long narrow corridor which opened up into a large main room with several other smaller closed offices off to either side. As expected, no one was in the area at the moment and Neal made a split-second decision, grabbing Sara's arm and pulling her into the first available room, closing the door decisively behind them.

'Neal, this isn't the right...' she began as he gently pushed her up against the wall and placed a long lingering kiss on her lips, successfully shutting her up

'I've been wanting to do that for days' he whispered, his voice hoarse as his lips continued down her neck to her shoulder

'Neal, you've got to be kidding me' Sara said, breathless as she tried in vain to pull away. 'We live together, we sleep in the same bed and you want to do this... here?'

Without the slightest hesitation, Neal just continued with his ministrations, his hands and mouth working with lightning speed as he finally gave in to the urges which had been building for days – the sight of her, the smell of her, the feel of her, it was all too much to resist and he could tell by the way she was melting in his arms that she was more than willing to follow his lead. He'd managed to trap her body between the wall and his insistent hips and her legs started to crumple as she felt herself giving in to this unexpected and most wonderful ambush on all her senses. His usually bright blue eyes had morphed to a very unusual dark shade as his pupils totally dilated, exhilaration taking over his whole body. The sight of him so aroused and the feel of his body pressed against hers felt totally amazing and she had to admit that she'd had similar stirrings ever since she'd spotted him sitting there in that waiting room, adjusting his pants.

'Sara, you have no idea what you do to me, do you?' he murmured into her ear as he pushed her hair back to get better access to her neck. He began to move her dress down over her shoulders exposing that crook in her neck she so enjoyed him nipping at and he went to work, feeling her start to squirm beneath him.

'Someone could walk in anytime, Neal. I work here...' she moaned, sounding totally unconvinced. Although her concern that someone could interrupt them was genuine, it was by no means a plea for him to stop doing that amazing thing he was doing with his tongue in her ear.

He took his eyes away from her for a brief moment while he checked out their surroundings; he didn't want to be disturbed for the next few minutes and he surveyed the small storage room trying to ensure the privacy they would need for what they were about to do. A large metal cart holding various smaller pieces of art stood nearby – within the blink of an eye, Neal had moved it to ensure the door to the small room couldn't be open without a very loud ruckus. He then spotted a built-in wooden shelf, about three feet high and eighteen inches deep and he manoeuvred Sara over, continuing to kiss her neck and placing her decisively up onto its ledge, worming his way in between her legs, her dress riding up along her thighs as he positioned his body firmly against hers. He pulled back momentarily and gave her a lewd smile and she just pulled him back to her, her breathing suddenly ragged.

Neal knew in that instant that Sara trumped precious art any day of the week and he buried his head back into her neck to finish what he'd started.

WCWCWC

'Well thank you very much Ms Ellis. I appreciate your cooperation' Neal was saying as he shook her hand by the elevator, a small, sly smile on his lips

'You're most welcome, Mr. Caffrey. _Come_ anytime' she responded, businesslike

Neal had just finished his inspection of the Jackson Pollock he was preparing to paint; it would most definitely be a challenge. Neal was partial to the Impressionists and he couldn't count the number of Renoirs, Monets and Cézannes he had reproduced over the years but Pollock's more abstract style was challenging and he felt slightly insecure as he thought of the task ahead. Oh, he'd do a good job and it would pass muster for most lovers of the artist but he had concerns about those few hard core admirers and he hoped his creation would be up to snuff.

He and Sara had spent a good hour examining the painting from all angles, Sara commenting on depth and perspective; she was quite an art connoisseur and Neal could count on her to bring out some of the more obscure elements of the painting. He'd taken several photographs, mostly details he was concerned about getting just right and he'd scrutinized the way the gloss enamel paint pooled on the surface in places, a trademark of the artist who was known for using gravity and the liquidity of his materials to create the desired effects. Now, all that was left was to pick up a variety of books describing the artist's technique as well as various photographs of the painting itself which would guide him through his deception. Neal was feeling keyed up and energized – mind you, it might have been because of the most excellent sex he had just shared with his wife – and his confidence soared; he knew he would find a way to pull this off.

He headed back to the office, stopping on the way at the local bookstore to pick up the required texts. He was feeling relaxed and was finally able to concentrate on getting some work done, something he'd been struggling with earlier in the day.

Peter called to confirm they'd be over for dinner and Hope called to say she'd been invited to a friend's and the afternoon passed in relative calm as Neal mentally prepared the dinner menu and perused his new book purchases.

By six thirty, the Caffrey-Burke foursome sat at the Caffrey's kitchen table as Neal served up lasagna and Caesar salad, Liam having elected to eat up in his room so he could get started on (or was that get rid of) his homework. Everyone's concern for Peter's wellbeing seemed to permeate the air and there was some inherent tension which Neal hoped to remedy by topping up everyone's glass of Chianti.

It wasn't lost on Elizabeth, who had killer observation skills, that Sara's glass was left empty.

'Why aren't you drinking?' she asked her friend as Sara looked furtively at Neal

'I saw that look' El continued 'and it cannot possibly mean what I think it means'

Peter looked on, totally clueless as the other three adults exchanged looks. This wasn't exactly how Sara and Neal had planned on breaking the news to their best friends but there was no point in holding back either. Elizabeth was like a dog with a bone; she was picking up weird vibes and Sara knew El wouldn't stop until she got to the bottom of things.

'Busted!' said Sara, looking slightly embarrassed

'Busted for what?' Peter asked still totally out of the loop

But before he could get an answer, Elizabeth was on her feet hugging Sara and laughing loudly as Neal looked over at his friend with a shy smile.

'Please, somebody...' Peter asked. As a white collar crime investigator, Peter Burke just couldn't be beat but as an observer of human nature, he was lucky he had Elizabeth and Neal to rely on.

'Sara's pregnant, Peter' Neal finally said, putting his friend out of his misery

'What? But I didn't know you were...' Peter began

'We weren't' answered Sara 'Let's just say life has a way of throwing curve balls when you least expect it'

'So, how far along are you?' asked Elizabeth, smiling and seemingly having forgotten at least temporarily about her woes

'About ten weeks' said Sara

'Ten weeks! And you didn't tell me?' asked El realizing it sounded a bit bitchy

'Well, it took me awhile to figure it out and then we sort of... had to get used to the idea ourselves' Sara answered

'And you have enough going on in your lives without us gushing about having a baby' Neal added looking at Peter

'There's always room for good news, buddy' Peter said as he gave Neal a firm tap on the shoulder 'Congratulations... both of you'

'So, look, enough about us. Tell us what's going on with you, Peter' Neal said

Peter shrugged. Truth be told he'd rather not discuss his situation at all but he knew that Neal's question came from a place of concern and he reluctantly put down his fork to speak.

'Well, they're going to run some more tests but the doctor says there's definitely some issue with my... prostate' Peter hesitated as he spoke. It seemed weird to be talking about this part of his anatomy although according to all his research, he was far from the only man struggling with the issue of an enlarged prostate gland. Neal held his look, not wanting Peter to feel embarrassed in the least – whether it was his foot or his prostate, Peter's body was under attack and Neal wanted to be there to support him.

'So when are these tests?' he asked

'Day after tomorrow' Peter answered

'You know the dressing on this salad is amazing, Neal' he continued without missing a beat.

It was obvious to everyone that the subject was now closed and that there was nothing more that could or needed to be said. Neal respected that and quickly followed Peter's lead.

'Yeah, it's a new dressing I tried – dried mustard and olive oil' he answered as he nodded and took a bite of his salad

The conversation turned to a variety of neutral topics including a large party Elizabeth was catering the following weekend and some long missing Rodin which had unexpectedly turned up at Sterling Bosch and everyone seemed to relax a little as the wine did its job. Just being together was enough for the foursome: Peter knew that Neal and Sara were there for him no matter what, Elizabeth could feel their support making her feel less alone and Neal and Sara were just happy to be there for their friends throughout this bumpy period – although they felt rather powerless to do anything but listen and be supportive.

Sara and Peter were instructed to go sit in the living room and relax over a cup of coffee while Neal and Elizabeth did the cleaning up. Now that Sara's condition was out in the open, Neal was free to dote more openly on her, something he loved to do throughout all of her pregnancies. Sara wasn't the type to let herself be coddled but she did enjoy watching Neal's eyes sparkle as he tended to her every need.

El carried the last of the dirty dishes to the counter where Neal was rinsing and placing them in the dishwasher. She wasn't usually at a loss for words but Neal noticed she'd grown quiet and it didn't take long for him to pick up on the glistening in her eyes as she briefly let her gaze settle on him.

'It's tough, huh?' Neal asked

El just nodded and his innocuous question seemed to trigger the emotions which she was fighting to keep just below the surface.

'Oh, Neal' she said as she began to cry 'I can't bear the thought of anything happening to him'

Neal put down the plate he was rinsing and turned towards her, opening up his arms for her to curl up in. She let him hold her for a brief instant then she took a step back and looked into his eyes.

'He's so...' she began as she searched for the right word

Neal just looked at her, knowing exactly how she felt. Sara had been exasperatingly stoic and stubborn when she'd first been diagnosed and at a time when he most wanted her to share her feelings with him, she'd chosen to keep him at arm's length before finally letting him in. Peter, like Sara, was not someone who dwelled on his feelings and he could well imagine that Elizabeth, with her need to nurture and take care of Peter, must be going out of her mind as she tried to break through Peter's shell.

'Stubborn?' he ventured.

Elizabeth shrugged as she sniffled.

'If I can give you one piece of advice...' Neal began, tentatively

Elizabeth nodded through her tears.

'Just be there, always ready but be patient. You have to give him the time he needs to process things. You and I, we wear our hearts on our sleeves, but Sara and Peter – they're very different creatures from us and if we push too hard, they'll just shut down completely'

Elizabeth looked at him attentively as he spoke. She knew he was right but she also knew how difficult it would be to heed that advice.

'And El, one more thing. You're not alone' he said finally with a sweet smile on his face

TBC

_Taking a small break to go out of town for a few days. Don't give up on this story, it will resume as soon as I get back._


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

'So, Dad, what's _that_ all about?' asked Hope as they both stood at their individual easels working away

'I just felt like I needed to sharpen my skills a little, try something new' Neal fibbed as he stepped back to look at the state of his current chef-d'oeuvre.

It wasn't an outright lie but it was most certainly a deflection. He'd been working on the Pollock for the past two nights and insecurity had begun to creep in, once again. The stakes were high for Mozzie and he hoped that the final product would get Berlinger off his back once and for all. Mozzie had been more than appreciative of his friend's efforts and he had promised Neal that his days of ratting out his fellow fences were behind him.

Hope grimaced at her dad's answer. Although she'd seen him reproducing several masterpieces over the years, she'd never known him to be partial to this style of work; in fact, the last several years, his efforts had been almost exclusively in portraiture as she and her brother continued through life inspiring their dad to paint them as they evolved.

Neal thought it was best to change the subject. He didn't want to deceive his daughter but he couldn't let on to what he was really doing to anyone except Mozzie and Sara; plausible deniability and all...

'How are you feeling about the new baby?' Neal asked

Sara had filled him in on the major milestone his daughter had reached the previous weekend and he didn't want to embarrass her by talking directly about it. What does a father say to a daughter in those circumstances – 'so, how are you enjoying having your first period?' – instead, he'd opted for giving her the space she needed. Although he had not appreciated her reaction to the news of Sara's pregnancy, he was ready to cut her some slack under the circumstances although he was hoping she'd come around eventually.

Hope didn't answer, pretending to be concentrating on a detail of the piece she was working on. She had some 'Caffrey' in her and she was more than capable of avoiding uncomfortable questions, just like her dad.

'Hope?' Neal insisted. Whatever issues Hope was having with the 'baby' news, he wanted to know what they were. They were a family and they needed to stick together.

'I just don't know...' she stopped unsure how to phrase her apprehension '... how that happened'

Neal rolled his eyes at his daughter – she was not referring to the obvious but she was clearly upset that her parents had accidentally gotten pregnant at their age.

'You know, sweet pea' Neal said, putting down his brush to walk over to Hope's work area 'we don't control everything in life. Sometimes, things happen when we least expect it'

'Daddy, don't ask me to be happy about it. I think our family was perfect just the way it was' she admitted

'Well, it'll be a new kind of perfect. Please make an effort, especially around your mom' Neal admonished as he took her chin in his hand forcing her to look at him.

This baby was a reality whether his first-born liked it or not and the further along Sara was in her pregnancy, the happier Neal was. He did believe in fate – Sara's first pregnancy had been totally unplanned and now, looking back, he couldn't imagine life without his beautiful daughter.

'Dinner!' they heard from upstairs and the twosome headed up to join the rest of the family.

WCWCWC

Elizabeth and Peter sat across from Dr. Samuels desk once again, this time awaiting the results of the latest tests which would be much more definitive. The biopsy, especially, would tell them if the cells which had been harvested, were indeed cancer cells. Elizabeth was doing her very best to heed Neal's advice, trying so very hard not to mollycoddle Peter. He was a grown man, perfectly capable of dealing with whatever life sent his way; she just wanted him to remember that he wasn't alone.

Dr. Samuels came in, that same neutral look on his face, and he sat at his desk, opening the file in front of him. He'd had years of giving good and not so good news and he had the whole thing down to a science. He empathized with what his patients were going through as they sat there bravely but he also knew that he needed to have a clear head so he could give the best advice to those who entrusted their health care to him.

'Peter, we've analyzed the sample from the biopsy and you have stage II prostate cancer' he said, stopping to let that little bit of information sink in

Elizabeth let out a gasp as she grabbed for Peter's hand but he just sat there, poker faced, awaiting more information.

'Stage II means that the cancer cells do not appear to have spread outside the prostate gland. This is excellent news' Dr. Samuels said, once again pausing for effect

Although Elizabeth was hearing the words 'excellent news', she could feel a tear escaping the corner of her eye and she quickly wiped it away, hoping Peter hadn't picked up on it. She was trying to be positive and to concentrate on all the good possible outcomes but the shock inevitably went to her very core and hearing that your husband had cancer was just too overwhelming to bear.

'Now, I want to tell you right off the bat that prostate cancer has one of the best outcomes of all cancers. It is very slow growing and in some cases, we can monitor it for months, even years before we have to intervene' continued Dr. Samuels

Peter nodded. 'And what do you recommend in my situation?' he asked, his voice calm as if he were discussing the weather or some case at the office.

'Well, I'd like to suggest one more test – a bone scan – just to confirm my suspicions that there are no rapidly dividing cells in the bone. We'll inject a small amount of radioactive material into a vein and let it travel through the bloodstream. If it settles in the bone, we know that there are abnormal cells located there as well. I really don't think that's the case but I'd like to rule that out before we talk about treatment options' he said, authoritatively

Elizabeth was still staring ahead, trying to understand the finer points of what was being explained but she'd somehow gotten stuck at the words 'stage II cancer'. Peter, on the other hand, seemed to be taking it all in stride and he remained calm, despite the situation.

'How soon could you do this bone scan?' he asked

'I'll schedule it for tomorrow if I can and then I suggest we meet up and discuss your options. We can see you within a week' he said as he began to fill out the requisition form for the test

'Alright, then' Peter said as if all his questions had been answered. El's mouth hung open as if she wanted to say something but she couldn't formulate a single question or comment which would be helpful so she just squeezed Peter's hand as they both rose to leave.

WCWCWC

Elizabeth lay in bed, astonished as she listened to Peter snoring next to her; how could he possibly sleep while all this was happening? He'd been quiet when they'd gotten home and although she'd tried her best to get him to talk about how he was feeling, he hadn't been forthcoming and she'd given up and sat next to him for a while as he watched a baseball game, beer in hand as he did so many other nights. But this was not every other night and after a while, Elizabeth had given him a meek smile and made her way to the back yard, grabbing the phone as she went.

'How'd it go today?' asked Sara at the other end

'It's stage II prostate cancer' Elizabeth answered, her voice wavering. She couldn't believe the words she was uttering.

'Oh, honey, I'm sorry' said Sara as she waited for El to continue

'They want to do a bone scan tomorrow and then the doctor will recommend treatment – or not' explained Elizabeth as best she could

'What do you mean?' asked her friend

'Well, he said that in some cases they take more of a 'wait and see' approach. It depends on the case'

'I _have_ heard that prostate cancer has excellent recovery rates' said Sara, trying to inject some optimism

'I know all that' said Elizabeth, holding back tears

She could see Peter sitting in the living room through the window and he appeared relaxed, without a care in the world. Suddenly, the flood gates opened and she began to cry.

'Why is Peter acting this way!' she said, hurt and anger rising in her voice. All she wanted was to be there for him, hold him, share this devastating news but he was behaving as if it was business as usual and Elizabeth was feeling like she would explode if she couldn't share her fears and apprehensions with someone.

'El, what makes you think he's acting? Maybe this is just Peter's way of _coping_ with what's happening' said Sara gently

There was silence on the other end.

'You can't ask him to be anything but who he is' Sara continued, hoping she wasn't pushing too hard.

Sara remembered the horrible weeks after her cancer treatments had begun and how she'd needed to keep Neal at arm's length just so she could keep her sanity. At the time, she'd known how much he was suffering, she could see it in his eyes every time she looked at him but she couldn't bear to open up for fear of totally falling apart and not being able to put herself back together again.

Now as Elizabeth lay next to her husband, the man who had taken care of her for almost twenty five years, she thought back to Sara's words of wisdom. Sara and Peter were alike in that way – action oriented, taking things on without dwelling on emotions and fears. She turned towards him, spooning him, slipping her arm around his strong body; if Peter needed space, she would have to find a way to give him that.

WCWCWC

Neal took one last look at the finished product and let out a long relieved sigh. He was pretty sure he'd nailed it but he wanted Sara to have a look before he called it a day. He had kept her at bay for the duration, preferring to get her honest opinion once the work was totally completed and he crossed his fingers that this painting would pass the 'Sara Ellis' test of authenticity. It had been almost a week since he and Mozzie had met with Johnny Berlinger and time was about to run out. He was anxious to put this episode behind them although he had to admit that the last few days, his blood had been pumping like in the old days – when he was a _very_ naughty boy – and the feeling of exhilaration was hard to hide from his wife. She'd seen the glint in his eye every night as he headed down to his studio and she'd noticed that he seemed to have a spring in his step which hadn't been there the week before.

The door to the studio opened and she walked in, looking around. Sara didn't come down to the studio much unless Neal or Hope asked her to; she felt that this was their sacred space and she had no business snooping around unless she was invited. She was surprised by the number of pieces that Neal had accumulated as she looked around the large space, paintings up against the walls, some in various stages of completion. She'd seen them all individually as he finished them but it always surprised her to see all his masterpieces in one place, at one time.

'So' Neal said, obviously nervous 'I want you to be brutally honest – Berlinger will be, that's for sure'

She made her way around the easel to where the painting was placed, her eyes on Neal as she went. She waited until she was face to face with the work of art before finally looking at the painting head-on.

'Oh, my God!' she uttered as her mouth dropped

Neal let a small sigh escape as he watched her face. She was obviously enthralled as if she'd come face to face with a very beloved original piece of art that she was particularly fond of.

'Neal, you have such an amazing talent' she said, mesmerized 'How do you do it?'

Her eyes were still glued to the painting as she spoke and he could see that she was examining all those small details they had scrutinized when they'd stood before the original mere days before.

'I can't see a single flaw in this. The technique, the colors, the density, all the little details...' she let her voice trail as she continued staring

Neal's smile widened as she spoke. This was exactly the reaction he'd been hoping for and he let himself resume normal breathing again. She finally pried her eyes away, turning to her husband, noting the pride and excitement dancing in his eyes. An unexpected wave of sadness hit her as she realized that he had given up this exciting yet illicit activity to have a life with her and their children.

'It must be so hard for you' she said as he looked at her, those small lines forming on his forehead as he tried to make sense of what she was saying

'You've been given this amazing talent and the temptation has to be incredibly hard to resist' she said as she touched his arm

He shrugged. 'I don't think about it anymore' he admitted 'I've got much better things in my life now'

'Still, the excitement of knowing you can copy the greats and profit from it. I know how hard it was to let that go...' she began

'Don't' Neal said simply as he placed a finger on her mouth. 'I have no regrets'

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Neal stood in the kitchen, alone in the house, a very strange and unusual occurrence considering this was a week day morning. The kids had left for school and he'd just dropped Sara off at the train as she headed to Manhattan for work. He'd taken a few hours off from his job; he wanted to sit with El as she waited for Peter to have his bone scan. Sara had shared how distraught their friend was and he was going to try to support her through this and help her understand what Peter might be going through.

He grabbed his cup of coffee and made his way out to the deck to take in the early morning sunshine on this late summer day. He glanced at the spot where he'd left his Pollock all nicely wrapped in craft paper and noticed with relief that it had disappeared. After the final inspection the night before, he'd carefully wrapped the painting in brown paper, taking extra care as he worked. He'd had a hoot working on it despite the less than ideal circumstances but he'd meant what he said to Sara the night before: giving up his illicit activities for the life he now lived had been worth it in spades.

Sure, he couldn't hide the fact that stealing from the greats had a particular attraction – that feeling of pulling one over some of the best art connoisseurs in the world was exhilarating. He thought about his copy of the Haustenberg still hanging in a respectable museum in Manhattan, no one the wiser and he smiled at the deception. It had taken a long time to learn his life lesson but it had finally sunk in: you have to give up something in order to get something you want more. Although reigning in his impulses would always be a challenge for the ex-con, he was ready to accept that this was the price he had to pay to have the life he truly wanted.

WCWCWC

Elizabeth sat, waiting impatiently for Peter's test to end. He'd been whisked away to another part of the hospital and she'd been sitting on her own for about five minutes; she hadn't noticed it, but her hands were white from the vigorous hand-wringing she had been engaged in since they'd taken her husband away. El felt a presence by her side and scooted over to make room for the new arrival next to her on the small two seater chair.

The waiting room was getting crowded and she felt slightly uncomfortable as the newcomer appeared to invade her personal space, placing an arm behind her on the back of the seat.

'Hey' the man said, his voice somewhat familiar

'Neal! What are you doing here?' she let escape as she caught sight of him

He shrugged innocently. 'Thought you might appreciate some company while you wait' he said, a smile on his lips

She couldn't help but smile back. Seeing a familiar face in this cold and sterile environment was a welcome sight.

'How are you doing?' he asked, a formality considering her disheveled appearance

It was her turn to shrug demurely.

'So, how long is this test?' Neal asked

'About half an hour' she answered

'Just enough time for me to whisk you away for a cup of coffee, then' said Neal as he stood putting out his hand for her

She could see he wasn't going to take no for an answer so she nodded and stood, following him away from the dreariness of the waiting room towards the busy cafeteria where they could hear chatter all the way down the hallway.

Once they were sitting across from each other, coffee in hand, Elizabeth looked up at Neal and he immediately spotted the anguish in her eyes.

'Neal, how did you do it?' she asked, barely keeping it together

Neal thought back to those dark days and shook his head.

'To be honest, El, I'm not sure how I got through it' he admitted

'In the very beginning, we just held on to each other in desperation mostly, but when the time came for Sara to have her treatments, she began to shut me out. She didn't talk to me, she didn't let me touch her and ... what I wanted more than anything was for her to know she wasn't alone' he confided, a faraway look in his eyes

'Why did she do that?' asked Elizabeth

'Have you _met_ my wife?' Neal asked in jest.

Elizabeth gave him a small smile in response.

'Well, years later she told me that she was afraid she'd fall apart if she let me in. Putting up that wall was what she needed to do to get through it' he answered, more seriously

Elizabeth listened as Neal spoke, silently drawing parallels with Peter, strong, resilient Peter who took care of everybody else but never dwelled on himself.

'You guys helped a lot. I remember spending a lot of time over at your place and knowing I had a safe place to talk about my feelings. I even went to a support group at the cancer clinic – something I thought I'd never do – it helped to know others were feeling helpless too' he continued, a distant look in his eyes as he flashed back to those dark days

'Did you break through in the end?' Elizabeth asked, needing to hear that there was light at the end of the tunnel

'No. But a good friend of Sara's who was going through the same thing helped her realize that she was being selfish by not letting me in' he said, his voice quiet

'Janet?' Elizabeth asked as she thought back to the courageous friend of Sara's who had lost her battle with cancer

'Yeah, Janet. She somehow convinced Sara that I needed to feel useful somehow and Sara finally opened up to me. But it took a long time and those weeks were horrible' he said, his voice sad

'El, you and I, we find it easy to show our emotions, but it's not easy for someone like Peter - or Sara. Peter's used to taking care of _you_ and he's probably struggling with letting you see any weakness in him. But, I'm sure he's scared... you need to accept that you might not be the one that he turns to in order to share that fear' Neal said

Sara had confided in Janet, not Neal when she'd been scared and he himself remembered that when he'd been terrified just before Sara's surgery, it had been Peter who'd picked up the pieces. Elizabeth needed to know there was a difference between being there for her husband if and when he chose to open up and accepting the fact that he might turn to someone else in order not to worry her. She also needed someone _she_ could confide her fears and apprehensions to and Neal hoped that he might be that person...

He realized that was not what she wanted to hear but he felt he owed her his honest take on the situation and he watched as she took in his words, reaching out to take her hand in his.

'Will you try to reach out to him?' she asked, tears running down her face

'I will' he said, squeezing her hand

WCWCWC

Another week was behind them and Sara's nasty first trimester symptoms were slowly beginning to dissipate. As she approached week twelve, the morning sickness had begun to subside although she was definitely starting to feel snug in her regular clothing. She'd given away all her maternity clothes and she realized that she would have to go on a shopping spree very soon.

As her waist thickened, her baby bump began to protrude and Neal was more and more fascinated; he loved to run his hands around the edges of her belly as they lay in bed at night. He was really excited about the 12 week ultrasound, anxious to find out the baby's sex among other things. Sara, on the other hand, was more relaxed as she focussed on just getting through each day with the limited amount of energy at her disposal.

'Hey, sweet baby' Neal whispered to Sara's belly as he lay in bed, kissing her baby bump

Sara laughed out loud. Neal was notorious for talking and singing to the baby – every time she'd been pregnant. He would often sing lullabies at bedtime or sometimes, show tunes in the mornings and it inevitably made Sara smile. Although there were so many discomforts associated with pregnancy, watching Neal react to her changing body was one of the perks about her condition. He had always loved Sara pregnant, found her more vibrant and more alive and definitely sexier – even more so as her belly continued to expand during the last few weeks.

'Get up here' she urged, laughing as she pulled Neal up to lay his head on the pillow next to hers

He did as he was told, a huge smile on his face as he took in the glow on hers. This pregnancy made him feel young and alive and he was enjoying every single minute of it. He briefly thought back to his reaction when Sara had broken the news, realizing how ridiculous he must have sounded – now that he was focussed on the present instead of twenty years down the road, he couldn't be happier.

'So, did Dr. Cooper schedule the ultrasound?' he asked, trying to be serious

'Wednesday. Can you get away?' she asked

'I will definitely be there' he answered as he continued to smile that ridiculous smile

Sara ran her hand gently through his tousled hair – Neal never looked cuter than when his hair went rogue after a long day.

'Neal, look what I found downstairs on the kitchen counter' Sara said as she reached over to the bedside table to grab what looked like a brochure

Neal took it from her, frowning as he tried to make out what it was without the use of his reading glasses. He gave up and grabbed the pair he always kept by the bedside silently cursing the passing of years and its effect on his eyesight.

'Kempt and Sons Renovations?' he read confused 'What...'

'Look, it's a $50,000 gift certificate for home renovations' she said pointing to the documentation attached to the brochure

'Mozzie...' he said, under his breath

'That's what I figure' echoed Sara 'It was just sitting there when I walked in'

Neal's smile grew as he realized that this was Mozzie's way of thanking him for providing him with a replacement for the Pollock. Mozzie hated public displays of affection and Neal knew that if he even so much as thanked him for this kind gesture, Mozzie would scoff and tell him there was no need. Neal had long ago purged himself of all his ill-gotten goods; it had felt good to walk away from all the 'stuff' he'd accumulated over the years. When the anklet had come off, he'd wanted to make a clean break and leave everything about his old life behind, including any cash or unclaimed art or bonds. At the time, he'd given everything to Mozzie and his friend had assured him that if he ever needed anything in the future, he could count on him.

Mozzie knew that Neal was living on the straight and narrow and that every single penny he set aside towards his dream of eventually owning an art gallery was being earned honestly. Liam had spilled the beans to his godfather that they would be renovating the loft for Hope to move into and it didn't take much for Mozzie to put two and two together. He knew that although both Neal and Sara had excellent incomes and could provide for their family, any extras like Neal's dream of an art gallery would come at the price of other more pressing family priorities. He also knew his friend would never accept any cash from him so he'd researched some architectural firms and paid up front for any renovations to the house – his way of showing his gratitude for Neal's loyalty.

'I guess there's not even any point in trying to turn him down' Neal said as he continued to look at the paperwork in front of his eyes.

'You know Mozzie' agreed Sara 'he won't want you making a big deal about this'

'Wow, you know I was perfectly resigned to having to use our nest egg for the renovations...' he began as he turned to look at his wife 'This seems like having my cake and eating it too...'

'You're a good man, Neal Caffrey' said Sara 'Just let Mozzie thank you the only way he knows how'

Neal nodded in agreement and pulled Sara in, holding her against him. What more could a man possibly want but a gorgeous, sexy wife, fantastic kids, a baby on the way and friends like Peter, Elizabeth and Mozzie.

Life was just too good to be true.

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

'Did you get a date for the follow-up appointment with the specialist?' Neal asked

'Yeah, day after tomorrow' Peter answered as he took a long, slow pull of his beer

Neal had surprised him at the end of the work day and had suggested they go out for a few drinks before dinner. Peter was happy to see his buddy and agreed readily; these days, it was easier to have a little space between himself and his wife.

'How are you coping with everything?' Neal asked, an honest question begging for an honest answer

'You know, trying to keep things in perspective' answered Peter, non-committal

Neal just looked at his buddy's body language noticing the strain on his face, the way he held himself more tense than usual. He waited a beat before talking.

'There are worst things in life than a stage II prostate cancer diagnosis' Peter added when Neal didn't say anything

'That's true' agreed Neal 'But none of those 'worst things' are happening to _you_ right now – this is'

Peter smiled that 'you got me' smile he sometimes got when Neal could see right through him.

'Look, Neal. You guys have been through so much worse with Sara...' added Peter, letting his voice trail

'It's not a competition, Peter. Whatever you're going through is very real and very scary' answered Neal

Peter nodded in agreement.

'Mostly, I worry about El' he finally admitted 'She's not coping very well and I just want to put a brave face on things so she'll see there's nothing to be afraid of'

'That sounds like the Peter we know and love' admitted Neal with a naughty smile

'I'm just not sure what she wants from me' Peter admitted as he took another sip

'It's not about what El wants, Peter... it's just ... what do you want?'

Peter let out a sardonic laugh. 'Well, to be honest, I'd just like to ignore the whole thing and get on with my life'

Neal gave him a shoulder shrug – all very nice but not very practical.

'You know, when Sara got sick, she got all strong and silent on me... Apart from being terrified I was going to lose her, that was probably the hardest thing I had to deal with – her pushing me away' Neal confided

'It's not that I want to _push_ El away ... exactly... I just don't want to fall into that... you know, 'woe is me' kinda mindset. I want to stay upbeat' said Peter

'Have you told her that?' Neal asked

Peter looked at Neal intensely. He hated how this guy never stopped digging until he got what he wanted.

'No...' he began

Neal knew when to shut up and he let the silence hang for a moment while Peter formulated the rest of his response to his question.

'What? You think I should tell her how I'm feeling?' he finally said

'That's up to you Peter. All I know is that you have to keep talking in a marriage' Neal said

'Oh, and the great Neal Caffrey is giving _me_ advice on marriage?' Peter said, a tone of condescension in his voice

'Take it or leave it, buddy. I just know how I felt and I suspect that Elizabeth is just feeling shut out. But hey, you've been married twice as long as I have so I defer to you' Neal added as he sipped on his glass of wine

He left it at that – he'd pushed hard enough. After all those years of being in Peter Burke's presence, Neal knew how the man's mind worked. He would let his subconscious work things out and hope that some of Neal's words would make their way to his conscious mind.

WCWCWC

'Hi, sorry I'm late. I had trouble getting a cab' Neal said, breathless as he arrived in the waiting room at the pre-natal clinic.

'It's okay, they're running late' said Sara as she accepted the peck Neal placed on her cheek.

'I was afraid I was going to miss the show' Neal said, a wide smile on his face

Sara smiled back but something was not quite right and Neal knew it immediately.

'What? What's going on?' he asked

'Nothing. It's just... just a little spotting, that's all' Sara admitted as she averted his eyes

'Spotting? Why didn't you tell me?' Neal said, anxiety rising

'I just did, Neal. It only started this morning' she said giving him 'the' look

'Sara Caffrey!' the receptionist called out before Neal could react

They followed the woman to one of the examination rooms and Sara was instructed to change into a gown while Neal waited just outside the room. Stupid hospital rules – like he hadn't seen his wife naked millions of times before, he thought as he paced outside the room.

He was finally beckoned in and within minutes, the technician arrived rolling the ultrasound machine in behind her. Neal looked anxiously at his wife lying there on the cold examination table and took her hand in his as the technician began to get things organized.

'Is this your first ultrasound?' she asked of Sara

'No' Sara responded 'I've had several; two other babies'

'Alright, well, let's have a look at this little one' she responded, a kind smile on her face

'So this is week 12?' she confirmed

'Yeah, just over' Sara responded as the technician put some of that awful, cold gel on her abdomen

'I've had a bit of spotting, just this morning' she admitted

Neal had been biting his tongue, waiting for Sara to mention that fact and he looked carefully at the tech's face as she reacted to what Sara had just said.

'Well, that's not terribly unusual' she said, matter of factly as she began to run the probe gently over Sara's small baby bump

Neal's eyes were riveted on the screen. Sara had had ultrasounds for all her pregnancies and he never ceased to be amazed at what was revealed during the routine test.

'There! Looks like normal growth' said the technician as she began to take the required measurements

Neal looked on in wonder, squeezing Sara's hand as he took in the amazing spectacle

'There's the head, arms, feet, heart...' the technician pointed to the screen as she spoke

'How does everything look?' he finally asked, unable to hold his tongue any longer

'Well, the heart rate is a _little_ sluggish but that could be because the baby's sleeping' she answered, not a satisfactory answer as far as Neal was concerned.

'I don't see anything unusual, per se, but considering the heart rate and the spotting, I would recommend you see your doctor as soon as possible, just to be sure' she recommended

'I'm seeing her the day after tomorrow' Sara said

'Well, then I suggest you rest in the meantime, just to be on the safe side and then you can have a full discussion with her when you meet up' advised the technician

Sara and Neal exchanged looks and she could see those worry lines appearing on his forehead.

'But try not to worry. This is all still within normal parameters' she added

'So, did you want to know the sex of the baby?' she asked

Neal's frown disappeared momentarily and Sara could see excitement in his eyes as he nodded enthusiastically.

'It's a little girl!' she said pointing to the genitals

Neal's small smile grew and Sara couldn't help but smile herself. He was going to be insufferable with another little girl – especially at his age.

The drive home was interminable as Neal spoke non-stop – alternating between his admonitions that Sara heed the technician's advice to rest, spouting names for the baby, and just plain gushing about having another little girl.

'What about Hannah?' he said excitedly, his eighth suggestion since they'd left the clinic

'Neal, we go through this every time. Wait until we get closer to the end. With both the kids, we didn't decide until they were born' Sara reminded him

'I know, but we have to be ready with a list, Sara' he said, his voice full of enthusiasm

'Tell you what, I totally trust you to come up with a short list and then we can talk about it, how's that' she finally conceded in order to bring an end to the discussion

Her head was swimming with all of Neal's suggestions and she couldn't think straight. Plus, her mind was more focussed on all the work that wouldn't be getting done at the office if she stayed home for a couple of days. She pushed the thought away; the most important thing was to keep this baby safe and if that meant sitting around the house for a few days, so be it.

Neal droned on...

'Or Emma – I've always liked that name...'

WCWCWC

Neal was actually humming as he worked in the kitchen preparing dinner. He'd dispatched Sara up to their bedroom to rest before dinner and he kept glancing at the picture of the ultrasound they'd been given at the end of their appointment. He'd propped the image up against the cookie jar so he could look at it while he worked and he was in the throes of the second verse of some Stevie Wonder song when the front door opened and he heard Mozzie's familiar voice resonate in the house.

'Neal!' he called out

'Mozzie, hi. Keep your voice down' Neal answered 'Sara's having a nap'

'Oops, sorry!' said Mozzie as he made his way to the kitchen, reaching around Neal to grab for an already opened bottle of Shiraz and a glass from the cupboard he was more than familiar with.

He grimaced as he looked at the label. 'You know Neal, since you've moved to the suburbs, your wine selection has really gone downhill'

'You know, you're welcome to bring a bottle with you next time you visit, Moz' answered Neal, tongue in cheek

'So, how did it go with Berlinger?' he added, taking a sip from his own glass of wine

'It went...' Mozzie answered, relief flooding him 'I hope I never have to cross paths with the guy again'

'So, the merchandise was up to snuff?' Neal asked, fishing for a compliment as to the excellent work he'd done

'He didn't crack a smile or anything but he was totally satisfied that he was holding the original in his hands' answered Mozzie. 'You know, Neal, it's just an awful waste of talent...'

Although Neal had been on the straight and narrow for over a dozen years, Mozzie never missed an opportunity to try to tempt his ex-partner back down the road to transgression despite the fact that the answer was always the same.

Neal interrupted. 'Don't even bother Mozzie' he said as he kept cutting up vegetables and placing them in a bowl for a salad

Mozzie spotted the ultrasound on the kitchen counter and picked it up, examining it.

'So, is this your latest progeny?' he asked with just the right amount of disdain for the traditional life Neal was living

'Meet my daughter, Moz' Neal responded proudly 'And don't spill any wine on that'

'Mmm' said Mozzie, trying his best to sound unimpressed. In truth, he loved Neal's kids and he was the best kind of uncle, a child himself, always up for fun where the kids were concerned.

'So, listen' Neal began, a little embarrassed 'I think you might have left something here the other night' he said, pointing to the brochure from the architectural firm which lay on the kitchen counter.

Mozzie looked briefly over at what Neal was pointing to and let out a scoff.

'That's not mine' he answered dismissively

The brief exchange which loosely translated meant: 'Thank you very much for the generous gift, Mozzie' and 'You're very welcome Neal' was quickly forgotten as Neal moved on to the next topic.

'So, can I interest you in staying for dinner?' he asked of his friend

'Thought you'd never ask' responded Mozzie, raising his glass

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

'Promise?' Neal was saying

'Promise!' Sara answered, a slightly impatient edge to her voice

'And if you don't feel well, call me and I'll come straight home' he responded, arms snug around her waist as he stared into her eyes

'Neal, I'm fine. Please! Stop doting!' answered Sara slightly embarrassed by all the attention

'Dad, are you still dropping us off at school?' asked Hope as she began to run down the stairs towards where her parents stood, bodies pressed against one another

'Yes, I am _if _you're ready to leave now' Neal answered, finally pulling himself away from Sara and leaning over the banister 'Liam, let's go!' he called out

He gave Sara one last look, a mixture of concern, fondness and devotion and he made his way to the kitchen to grab his suit jacket and his briefcase. Sara let out a long-suffering sigh. The appointment with Dr. Cooper was the next day at three and she knew that between now and then, she would have to put up with 'extra-loving' Neal.

After the usual kerfuffle as everyone located their school bags and lunches, they were finally ready to head out, Sara waving them off and finally making her way to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. She glanced at the newspaper and the novels Neal had pulled out for her consideration and she opted instead for the couch, choosing to watch the early morning news on television.

It was going to be a long day.

WCWCWC

Elizabeth Burke sat in her small office working on _Burke's Premier Events'_ end of the month financial report, a task she hated more than any other. She could hear some of her staff chatting in the room next door which was not helping with her concentration in the least. Amongst the chatter of the women employed by the small firm, she recognized the low droning of a male voice and her ears perked up. She wasn't expecting any clients until later in the afternoon and the only regular male visitor to the office was Gus, who did the cleaning – but he didn't show up until much later in the day. She had just put down her pen and was following the garbled voices out into the open space when she walked right into Peter Burke, looking very dapper in his suit and tie.

'Honey, what are you doing here?' asked a surprised Elizabeth

'Can't a guy come and surprise his wife for lunch?' asked Peter, a wide grin on his face

'Yeah... of course. I just... wasn't expecting you, that's all' said El, a mixture of concern and delight in her eyes

Maybe Peter had some more bad news, she thought, instantly shooing the notion away. Whatever his motivation, it was great to see her husband unexpectedly in the middle of a workday. He had even made a reservation at a nearby café that Elizabeth was particularly fond – lunch out with your spouse on a weekday versus toiling away at a financial statement, no contest.

Whatever the reason, El was pleased to be spending some one on one time with Peter. They hadn't been connecting much lately and she hoped this was the beginning of a rapprochement of sorts. She gave him a smile as she happily took his outstretched hand in hers.

'Ready?' he asked

'Yeah!' she responded with enthusiasm

They made their way down the streets of Manhattan, hand in hand, taking in the sunshine and the warm late summer breeze.

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Sara was bored, not just bored but BORED. She was a woman of action and having to sit around doing nothing all day was driving her crazy. She was thankful for small wonders: at least Neal hadn't stayed home like he'd begged her to let him do. The last thing she needed was Neal hovering over her, something he had a tendency to do at the best of times – let alone if she was under the weather, which she definitely felt she wasn't. He'd been wearing an ear to ear grin ever since the day before and he'd already compiled a list of his top twelve names for their baby daughter, a list he'd read several times to her before they'd gone to sleep the night before.

Neal had already called four times and she had indulged him by answering the phone each and every time although the last time, she had barely contained an urge to throw the phone across the room.

Truth was, she felt fine and she didn't understand why she had to lay low when she had so much work to do at the office. She sat in their family room, reading through her work e-mails, trying to do all she could from home, but there wasn't much else that could be done at a distance and after about an hour or so, she gave up, grabbing for the television's clicker and heading straight for the Food Network. Although Sara hated to cook, she _loved_ to eat and she loved to watch cooking shows, discovering new recipes she could con Neal into trying for the family. She checked the clock – four twenty – Hope would be home from school soon, she realized. She remembered that Liam had a basketball practice and Neal was scheduled to pick him up on the way home; it would be well past five thirty before they could get a start on dinner.

The Barefoot Contessa was toiling away at a beautiful summer salad and Sara began a mental inventory of what they had in their fridge. She realized they had most of the ingredients that were required – she could handle this, she thought, and it would beat sitting around waiting for everyone to get home. She felt a twinge in the pit of her belly, reminding her that she needed to move slowly and she got to her feet, walking towards the island which separated the kitchen from the family room. She took out some knives and a large bowl and was on her way to the refrigerator to check things out when the twinge grew into something a lot more severe – a sharp stabbing pain from the bottom of her abdomen all the way to her lower back.

Sara made a gasping sound as it began to dawn on her that she might be in trouble, the realization hitting her just as she felt a sudden wetness between her legs. She instinctively brought her hand to the bottom of her belly where the pain was continuing to escalate, noticing drops of blood by her feet and she let out a pained sound, like a wounded animal.

'Shit' she said out loud to no one

'No, this can't be happening' she moaned under her breath as she reached for the phone which sat a few feet away on the kitchen counter. The movement proved to be too much; an even more severe pain cut off her breathing and she made a most unusual whimpering noise that scared even herself. Her legs began to tremble and she made one last ditch effort to reach for the phone as her legs gave out and she slowly began to crumple to the floor, right up against the refrigerator, slipping down the stainless steel surface as if in slow motion. In that moment, she knew that if she fell, she would not have the strength to get back up again and she let out a guttural sound as all the breath was expelled from her lungs.

The Barefoot Contessa droned on in the background as Sara let out a silent moan.

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Neal looked at the time; it was barely four o'clock but he'd had enough for the day; he hated to think about Sara home alone in her present condition. Although the technician at the pre-natal clinic had seemed pretty laid back about the spotting Sara was experiencing, it didn't sit well with him and he was looking forward to their scheduled appointment with Dr. Cooper the next day. Sara had a tendency to make light of things but he'd done a lot of research on late onset pregnancy and he knew that although Sara was a very healthy 43-year-old woman, she was still a 43-year-old woman and her pregnancy was considered high risk.

'Joyce, I'm calling it a day' he said to his assistant as he breezed by on the way to the train

'Have a good night!' she responded, waving her boss off

Neal typically made the 4:40 or 4:50 train and was usually at the White Plains Park and Ride a little over thirty minutes later but on this day, he wanted to check in on Sara before making his way to pick up Liam at school. He arrived at the Manhattan station just in time for the 4:10 train, running the last few steps to catch the shuttle and he settled in with his copy of the New York Times. He considered calling home one last time, but Sara had sounded like she was ready to throttle him when he'd called an hour before so he thought better of it, settling in to read an article on upcoming gallery openings instead. He'd be home in no time.

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'You want to come over and study for the science test?' asked Olivia Mason of her best friend as they walked up Meadowbrook Street.

'Sure, let me just get out of these clothes and I'll be right over' answered Hope as they parted ways in front of the Mason home

It was always easier to work with a study partner and Olivia was infinitely better at math and science than Hope would ever be; she sauntered home, waving to Mrs. Jennings who was watering her lawn on this late summer day. Since the school year had begun a few weeks before, Hope had gotten permission to come home on her own; after all, she was almost thirteen years old and she always walked home with Olivia. The fact that Donna Mason was a stay-at-home mom was reassuring for Neal and Sara and they knew that if Hope had any problem whatsoever she could always turn to her best friend's mom for help. Hope took out her key as she prepared to enter the house; she loved the feeling of independence having her own key gave her – but it did come with responsibilities such as making sure the door was locked when she left and always letting her parents know where she was headed if she left the house.

The door opened and Hope threw her school bag on the floor by the front door, something her mom always nagged her about doing. Oh well, what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. Hope had taken the first few steps on the staircase up to her room when she heard a small lamenting sound. It was definitely coming from inside the house and Hope stood up straight as she began to compute the possibilities. Suddenly, she let out a relieved breath, remembering her mom had stayed home from work.

'Mom!' she called out as she continued the climb up to her room

The moaning sound was heard again, this time a little louder and it was coming from the back of the house.

'Moooom!' she repeated

'Hope!' she heard coming from the kitchen. It _might_ have been her mom but the sound was unlike anything she'd ever heard coming from her mom's lips before: soft, plaintive and almost desperate.

She turned back, running down the few steps she'd just climbed and headed for the kitchen.

'Mom, where are you?' she called as she walked into the kitchen, Sara nowhere in sight. She took a few tentative steps following the sound of labored breathing nearby and she suddenly spotted her mom, lying on the floor, blood beginning to pool around her.

'MOM!' she screamed as she ran to her. 'What happened?'

Sara's eyes were vacant and upon touching her mom's hand, Hope immediately realized her skin was cold and clammy, her breathing labored.

'Mom, I'm calling an ambulance' she said as she made a grab for the phone

'No, no, no, no, no, no' said Sara, her voice childlike, as she lay there, in shock, rocking and holding her abdomen. 'Neal, I want Neal' she said, her voice totally unrecognizable

Hope made a split second decision as she crouched down by her mom's side, phone in hand. Sara was making such odd, quiet noises, cat-like almost and Hope had no idea how to deal with this unfamiliar version of her mom.

'Hey Sara!' Neal answered, his voice upbeat 'I suppose you want me to pick something up for dinner'

'Daddy!' Hope gasped, her voice unsteady

'What is it Hope?' he asked, as he stopped walking momentarily, standing totally upright. He had just gotten off the train and was on his way to the car but something about his daughter's voice chilled him to the bone.

'Daddy, something's wrong with Mom. She's on the floor and she's bleeding. I think she needs an ambulance but she doesn't want me to call one' she said, barely taking a breath. 'She wants you'

Neal computed the possibilities but it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was going on.

'Is she conscious?' he asked, alarmed

'Yes, but she's not making any sense' said Hope, her voice shaking, trying hard not to fall apart

'Honey, I'm already at the park and ride, I can be there in less than ten minutes. Just sit with her and keep her calm. I'm calling for an ambulance right now; they may get there before me' Neal said, his voice rough and uneven as he began running towards the car, unlocking it at a distance as he got nearer.

'Hurry Daddy!' said Hope as she looked down at her mom – well, it kind of looked like her mom but this woman lying there was behaving in a way she'd never seen her mom behave before.

Hope suddenly had a flashback to the first aid course she and her classmates had taken at school the year before. She remembered the instructor mentioning that shock was often a factor with an injury or accident and she momentarily left her weeping mom to run to the family room, grabbing the blanket that lay there for cuddling while they watched television. She covered Sara with it, noticing her expressionless eyes, her moist skin and her uneven breathing.

Sara appeared unresponsive yet she grabbed Hope's clothing pulling her in as if she were a buoy that could keep her from imminent drowning. Hope sat down next to her mom and let herself be pulled in.

'It's okay, Mom. I'm here' she said, her voice suddenly strong

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

'I know this has been rough on you El' Peter said, clutching his wife's hand in his

They had just ordered their meal and were waiting as they sat, surrounded by the buzz of restaurant patrons around them. Lunch in _any_ Manhattan eatery on any given weekday was a busy affair as everyone tried to get in and out as quickly as possible and Peter had called ahead and managed to get them a table near the back of the restaurant, away from the large groups that tended to coalesce for office get-togethers.

He wanted to have a heart to heart with his wife. He had given his conversation with Neal a lot of thought and he'd realized that his ex-CI had some valuable insight into how Elizabeth might be feeling; after all, his wife and his best friend had a lot in common. They were both warm, caring, nurturing individuals and it would be hell for a person like that to be kept at arm's length when someone they loved was suffering. Peter didn't want El to worry needlessly but he'd finally come to the realization that keeping his wife out of the loop as to his feelings was having the opposite effect and causing her to be even more anxious.

'I just want what's best for you, honey' Elizabeth responded as she gazed into his eyes

'I know that' Peter acknowledged '... and I shouldn't have shut you out like I did'

'I'm just scared, Peter... and if you don't let me know how _you're _feeling, I'm not sure how I can help you' she said, squeezing his hand

'That's just it, El. I'm still working stuff out for myself and I hate having to have to worry about you as well' Peter answered

'_Don't _worry about me. I'm here for _you_. Please! Let me be here for you – that's all I want' said Elizabeth, with sudden clarity

Peter nodded and she thought she saw a soft gleam in his eyes as he looked away, suddenly embarrassed.

'Honey' El added, 'You and I can face anything if we do it together. I'm not going to fall apart, I'm stronger than you give me credit for'

Peter looked at his beautiful wife; she had indeed been there, steadfast by his side for almost twenty five years and she'd stood by him through thick and thin. He took a deep breath.

'Okay, then. We do this together' he said, a tentative smile on his face

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'I need an ambulance at 4788 Meadowbrook Street in White Plains' Neal was yelling into his phone, his other hand white knuckled on the steering wheel 'My wife's having a miscarriage and I think she's in shock'

He waited as the dispatcher asked him a few questions, finally answering as to whether Sara was alone.

'Our twelve year old daughter is with her right now and I'll be there within five minutes' he said, wondering just how he was managing to get this information out without falling apart himself.

He hung up and tried Mozzie's number, thankfully reaching him on the first try. He needed his buddy to come over and be with the kids while he went with Sara to the hospital. Despite his distraught state, he was still in solution mode, anticipating what might be waiting for him when he got home. Sara was his number one priority but he also had to make sure the kids were safe while he dealt with his wife's more immediate needs.

He swallowed hard, realizing that Sara was likely miscarrying their precious daughter and he pushed the thought away; he couldn't think of the loss for the time being. He needed to get Sara to the hospital and taken care of, the rest would come later.

Suddenly, a car he'd just cut off honked at him, bringing him back to reality as he finally entered their neighborhood, pedal to the metal.

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The front door flew open and Neal ran to the back of the house finding his wife and daughter huddled on the floor together. Sara was barely recognizable, her skin pale, her eyes unfocussed as she kept repeatedly moaning his name, rocking back and forth, her body shaking violently. She had a monster grip on Hope's blouse, clutching it in her hands although she didn't appear to be aware her daughter was there, by her side.

Upon spotting her dad, Hope tore herself from her mom's clutch and stood, looking into his eyes and finally letting herself show some emotion, her eyes filling with tears. Neal touched her shoulder briefly and turned his attention to Sara who was still whimpering incoherently.

'Honey, I need you to go upstairs and get some towels and some clothes for your mom. Just sweats, okay?' he said as he briefly touched Hope's hair

He crouched down, staring at his wife, her body trembling and her skin sallow. Suddenly, she seemed to become aware that he was there and she grabbed resolutely at his suit jacket, pulling him closer.

'Neal, Neal, Neal, Neal...' she sobbed, despondent

'Hey, I'm here Sara, I'm here' he said as he attempted to bring his arm around her back to get her to sit up slightly.

She felt like a rag doll, her body limp and he wondered how long she'd been lying there before Hope had finally made it home. He managed to prop her up against the refrigerator as he put his arm around her so she could nestle against his body and with a loud thud, he let himself fall into a sitting position by her side. She was obviously in shock and now that she'd gotten a hold of his jacket, she became adamant that she wasn't letting him out of her grasp and she continued to whimper as he held her close.

'Honey, there's an ambulance coming...' he began, his voice soft and reassuring before she interrupted, her voice suddenly loud

'No, no, no, no, no' she cried 'no ambulance'

'Sara, it's okay, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here with you the whole time' he said, trying hard to keep his voice steady in the hope of reassuring her

'Nooooo' she continued, sobbing

For a moment, her eyes met his and although seconds before she had been totally incoherent, they connected briefly and he could see the total desolation on her face as she spoke.

'I lost her, Neal' she whispered, suddenly lucid

'It's okay, baby. It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay' he kept repeating as he ran his hands soothingly through her hair

Whatever anguish he was feeling at the loss of the baby he already loved so much was overshadowed by his more immediate concern for Sara, _his_ Sara whom he barely recognized as she clung to him for dear life. He knew he needed to get her some help and quick – her breathing was shallow and rapid and Neal had seen enough people in shock to know that the condition required immediate medical attention. He pulled the blanket more tightly around Sara and silently cursed that the ambulance was taking so long.

Hope suddenly reappeared with towels and a change of clothing but Neal wasn't at all sure that Sara would cooperate or that she was even capable of following instructions. He tried to re-establish the connection between them, and he stood from his sitting position, remaining crouched in front of her, Sara still desperately hanging on to his coat lapel as if her life depended on it.

'Honey, do you think you could put your arms tight around my neck and I'll help you up' he asked as she stared at him with that vacant look in her eyes again. Neal was hoping he could at least get her off the cold floor and onto the nearby couch but whatever lucid conversation she'd been able to carry on a moment earlier was now impossible and he could see that she was not computing what he was saying in the least.

Before she could give him an answer, the front door flew open and they could hear the sound of a gurney being dragged over the wood floor, clanging as it went.

The EMTs, a man and a woman, looked young to Neal but then again everyone looked young to him these days it seemed. They tried to get in close to Sara but she was having nothing to do with them, her eyes still fixated on Neal as she continued to claw at his clothing. He was torn between giving the EMTs some space and remaining there next to her; luckily, the woman paramedic correctly read the signs of shock and she managed to maneuver on the other side of Sara, allowing her to continue clutching Neal's jacket which, at the moment, seemed like the only thing that was keeping her from totally losing it.

'What's her name?' she asked, looking at Neal and taking in the state of Sara

'Sara. She's almost thirteen weeks along. She's been having spotting the last couple of days' he said, his voice composed as if he were giving a report at work

'Are you her husband?' asked the paramedic as she began to remove the blanket from Sara's shaking body so she could assess what she was dealing with.

Neal nodded as he took in the state of his wife. There was blood, some clear, some obviously clotted and the second paramedic began to prepare the gurney with towels and sheets. They needed to lift her onto the make-shift bed but Sara was not being cooperative as she continued with her plaintive refrain: 'Neal, Neal, Neal...'

'She's obviously in shock. Do you want to see if she'll let you help her up?' said the young woman

'Sara, sweetheart, look at me' Neal said as calmly as he could muster. He needed to get her to the hospital as soon as possible – he didn't know how long she'd been lying there and with every passing moment, she seemed to be drawn deeper and deeper down the dark hole of her muddled and confused mind.

She looked at him or through him as he continued to speak calmly. 'Put your arms around my neck, okay?' he asked

The sound of his voice appeared to soothe her and she momentarily let go of his coat jacket which she'd been clutching, white knuckled, since he'd arrived. She let him lean in closer and she wrapped her arms snugly around Neal's neck, holding on tightly as he positioned himself to get better leverage. The young paramedic man stood behind her as Neal slowly rose with Sara hanging off his neck like some lifeless appendage. Her legs were unable to hold her up and as soon as she was in a vertical position, he swung his arm under her legs, lifting her up as the paramedics brought the gurney as close as possible for him to lay her onto.

Sara continued to sob, inconsolable and desperate and she returned to clutching Neal's coat jacket as she'd done before, giving him very little room to move. He brought his shaking hands to hers, urging her to grab those instead of his jacket so that he could walk alongside the gurney. She finally relented, her eyes closing for the first time since he'd gotten there and she seemed to relax as they began the long trek to the hospital.

Neal looked back suddenly remembering that Hope was still standing there, herself in shock at having to deal with the situation and having seen her mother in this most unusual state. Although he felt torn, he knew his place was with Sara and that Hope would have to cope until he could make certain Sara was safe and in good hands.

'Hope, Uncle Mozzie's on his way. Are you okay for a few minutes on your own?' he asked as they all began to move towards the front door

She nodded but Neal could see that what had just happened was having a profound effect on his daughter and he knew that once Sara had been properly taken care of, he would need to help her deal with what she'd just witnessed.

'I'll call as soon as I can' he yelled back as they manoeuvred through the front door

Hope stood paralysed as the sound of the door closing echoed in her mind.

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

'Hope!' Mozzie called out as he walked into the house with Liam by his side

'Over here' she responded, her voice shaky

He walked into the kitchen, spotting her on all fours, scouring the floor with a bunch of bloodied towels nearby. She hadn't wanted her little brother traumatized when he inevitably walked in and she was using towels to wipe up the blood on the kitchen floor. Mozzie took one look at her face, realizing what she was doing and immediately instructed Liam to go upstairs to change his clothes.

'Hope, here let me finish that' he said, his voice gentle as he crouched down, taking the towel from her hand

This was an awful lot for a twelve year old to deal with: finding your mom in shock, lying in a pool of blood only to be left alone to deal with the mess that was left behind. Her eyes glistened and she looked up at her uncle Moz, her voice unsteady.

'This is all my fault' she finally said

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Neal sat in the waiting room, his face buried in his hands as he tried to regain his composure. The ride to White Plains Hospital had been short and uneventful, thankfully, and Sara had begun to settle down as the paramedics had tended to her in the ambulance. She had finally calmed down enough to let go of Neal's hand and he rubbed it absentmindedly realizing his wife had a killer grip for such a petite woman.

He was waiting for the go-ahead to return to her side while they examined her thoroughly. They had forcibly separated them upon arriving at the hospital, the triage nurse pointing to the waiting room and instructing Neal to take a seat. A miscarriage at twelve and half weeks was rather late and as well as the physical ramifications, the medical team had to deal with the effects of the shock Sara had just suffered. She'd been in there close to 45 minutes and Neal was slowly going out of his mind.

Sara was a woman of many faces and Neal thought he knew them all but the anguish and desperation he'd seen in her eyes earlier was something he'd never witnessed before - nor did he ever want to see again. She was strong and resilient and she could get through any situation life threw her way; in fact, she was his rock – he who constantly wore his heart on his sleeve.

He ran his hands through his hair and he heard her anguished voice resonating in his ears as she told him their baby was gone. Again, he pushed the thought away momentarily; all he wanted right now was for Sara to be alright, to be back to her old self; he never wanted to see her suffer as she had earlier, a mere shadow of the woman he knew and loved. She would be dealing with the physical pain and inevitable changes to her body as well as the emotional loss and he had to be there alongside her to help her heal. He would have to keep his feelings in check for the time being.

A disembodied voice pulled him out of his thoughts:

'Mr. Caffrey, you can come in now'

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Mozzie took Hope's arm, pulling her away from the gruesome task she was attempting to accomplish. He wasn't much of a touchy-feely guy but this required an immediate intervention, something that was not lost on Mozzie. Neal and Sara would have to deal with the fallout but for the time being, he couldn't let his niece go on thinking she had anything to do with what had just happened.

Hope let Mozzie pull her to her feet and guide her to the kitchen table where she sat, facing him. She watched as he leaned in, putting his hand on hers.

'This has nothing to do with you, Hope' he said, gently

'Yes it does' she answered as tears appeared unbidden 'I didn't want Mom and Dad to have another baby'

'Oh, so you have supernatural powers now!' Mozzie responded hoping she'd see the error of her ways

Hope laughed through her tears. 'No, but I'm a horrible person. I gave Mom and Dad such a hard time. I told them I didn't want a brother or sister and now...'

'...and now, this terrible thing has happened and it has nothing to do with how you were feeling' added Mozzie

'But I was horrible to Mom...' she said, the tears flowing

'Then, you owe her an apology for being horrible to her but you didn't make this happen, Hope. From what I see, you've been nothing but loving and caring to your mom through all this'

'I was so scared, Uncle Moz. She was lying there, shaking ... it didn't even look like Mom. And there was blood and...' Hope said, her voice unsteady

'And you were there for her. You took care of things until your dad got here. Not everyone could have done what you did, Hope' Mozzie said, trying to get her to look into his eyes

Despite his kind, reassuring words, Hope wasn't able to shake the guilt she was feeling and she looked away. Logically, she knew that her actions hadn't caused this to happen but perhaps if she'd been just a little kinder, a little more understanding and supportive...

Suddenly, Liam appeared, oblivious to what was going on.

'What's for dinner?' he asked

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Peter made it home in time for dinner.

Not that this was unheard of but he had to admit that he didn't make the effort often enough. That was going to change, he resolved, as he parked the car and made his way into the house carrying a bouquet of El's favorite flowers.

'Honey, you're home!' Elizabeth exclaimed, a mixture of surprise and delight

'I decided it's time I make more of an effort to be home on time for dinner' answered Peter as he gave his wife a sweet kiss and handed over the bouquet

'Oh, honey, I _love_ lilies!' she said a huge smile on her face

'I _do_ listen sometimes, you know' Peter said, relieved he'd remembered – truth be told, he could never recall if her favorites were lilies or gerberas.

Peter placed his arms around El's waist, pulling her into him as she gazed into his eyes, surprised at his uncharacteristic display of affection. He placed a long, lingering kiss on her lips as she hummed in appreciation.

'I don't know what's going on but I'm not complaining' she said as she slowly pulled away

'What's going on is that I don't want to keep anything from you and that I'm sorry I shut you out' he answered

'Honey, that's behind us now. Whatever is up ahead, we'll tackle together. By the way, Dr. Samuels' office called and he wants to see us the day after tomorrow' El said, lingering in his arms

'Alright then' Peter said. 'But tonight, we don't talk about that, okay?'

Elizabeth nodded as she slipped back into his arms. 'Okay' she agreed

The phone rang interrupting the moment and she rolled her eyes. Thankfully, it was the home phone and not Peter's cell so she reached over to grab it, slipping out of Peter's grasp as he fought to hold on to her. She glanced at the caller ID noting it was the Caffrey residence and she picked up wondering why Sara would be calling at dinner time. But it wasn't Sara.

'Mozzie?' she said wondering why he was calling from Neal and Sara's place. 'What's wrong?'

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Neal was led down a corridor to a small examination room towards the back of the emergency ward, his legs still unsteady as the adrenaline began to slowly leave his body. He noticed in passing that his hands were trembling and he gave himself a firm headshake to bring himself under control.

'You can sit with you wife for now. The doctor will be in soon' said the nurse as she held the door open for him

The room was small, utilitarian, with a bed and a chair and assorted medical equipment and supplies but very little else. Sara lay with her eyes closed, her face still as pale as the sheet that covered her and she stirred when she heard the door close, seeing Neal standing above her.

'Hey' he said as he made his way closer, placing his hand gently on her arm

Just the sight of him was more than enough and Sara started to cry, silently at first, the tears running down her cheeks. Despite the fact she was upset, Neal was relieved to see that she looked more like her old self, her eyes focussed, her breathing regular - no sign of the distraught, unresponsive woman he'd held in his arms a mere hour ago.

'How do you feel?' Neal asked as he took the seat next to the bed

'Like I'm coming out of some weird out of body experience' she responded, her voice weak

'Are you in any pain?' he asked, leaning forward to get nice and close

She shook her head and briefly closed her eyes, the tears still running down her face.

'I was so scared' Neal blurted out as he took in the sight of her 'I was afraid I was going to lose you'

She smiled through the tears; she could see the relief in Neal's eyes but she knew there was also pain and grief, the same emotions she was trying to make sense of.

'Neal, I'm so sorry' she finally uttered

Since coming to, she'd replayed the events that had led her to the hospital, the few moments she could remember before she'd collapsed, trying to reach for the phone. She couldn't help but wonder if she could have been more careful, if she could have somehow seen this coming but all she could remember was walking to the fridge then waking up in a hospital bed.

'What are you talking about?' said Neal, tears rising in his eyes despite his resolve to stay strong

'Maybe I... I should have...' she began, not quite sure what she _should_ have done. Neal cut her off, unwilling to let her add guilt to all she was already having to deal with.

'Sara, there's _nothing _you could have done. I'm the one... maybe I should have stayed home' he finally said, something he hadn't wanted to admit even to himself

'Stop' she said, resolutely

However they ultimately got through this, they would have to do it together, without guilt, blame or recriminations. Neal looked into her bright green eyes, more vivid than usual as they glistened through the tears and he realized this discussion was not the one they should be having; all he wanted right now was for Sara to be alright.

He nodded in response, giving her a small smile.

'Has the doctor said anything?' he asked, leaning in closer and letting his hand gently caress Sara's cheek

'They... cleaned me up' Sara said tentatively. She'd been semi-conscious and had been aware that they had removed some more clotting, remnants of what could have been...

'And they did an ultrasound' she continued as she gazed into her husband's eyes 'And they called in Dr. Cooper. She'll be in to talk to us soon'

Although they were both excited about this baby, Neal had been over the moon. She hadn't seen him this energized in years and she recalled the night before – was it really just the night before? – as they lay in bed with Neal reciting his list of names, breaking into song on a couple of occasions as his choices inspired him.

It was hard to lose a baby at any point, but this far along Sara had mistakenly assumed she'd been safe from a miscarriage despite Dr. Cooper's warnings of odds and percentages. The reality was harsh however and even though she knew Neal would put on a brave face, underneath he would be devastated and he'd undoubtedly try to shield her from his pain.

'Sara' Neal said, softly, interrupting her thoughts 'I love you so much... I couldn't bear it if something happened to you'

Sara nodded, unable to speak. She knew his love was unconditional and she felt the same way; there was nothing he could say or do that would ever change the way she felt about him and she smiled to herself at the revelation.

No matter what, they would find a way out of this heartache, together.

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Mozzie's unexpected call had put the kibosh on Peter and El's plans for a quiet evening at home; as soon as the Burkes heard what had happened to Sara, they knew there was only one place they wanted to be – alongside their best friends. Once Elizabeth found out about the traumatic events and how Hope had been the one to find Sara, she suggested they go their separate ways with Peter heading to the hospital to be with Neal while she went to White Plains to be with her goddaughter.

Peter dropped El off at the Caffrey residence and continued on to the hospital where he arrived to find Neal sitting in the waiting area, head between his legs, miles away from the noises and activity surrounding him.

'Neal' Peter said quietly as he approached his friend

Neal's head popped up instantly as he heard his name, his eyes red, his hair totally disheveled and he looked puzzled at Peter standing there before him.

'Peter! What are you doing here?' he asked as he took in the sight of his best friend

'Mozzie called' answered Peter by way of explanation as he took the seat next to Neal

Neal nodded and took in a long slow breath.

'So, what's happening?' Peter asked as he placed a reassuring hand on Neal's back

Neal ran his hands through his hair and looked at Peter: 'They're doing a D &amp; C' he answered

He noticed the puzzled look on Peter's face and continued: 'It's a procedure to clean everything up... so there's no infection or...'

Peter nodded. Talking about women's 'stuff' was never really comfortable for him but this was Sara, Neal's Sara and he wanted to understand what was going on so he could be there for his best friend.

'How is she?' he asked

Neal shrugged. 'You know... she went through a lot before we got to the hospital'

Peter had gotten the abridged version from Mozzie but he could tell by looking at Neal that there was a lot more to the story than what he'd been told and he decided to just wait and see if his partner wanted to share some details.

'She was in shock when I got there' Neal said, his voice faraway 'She didn't even know I was there. She just kept holding on to me like she was afraid to fall into some big black hole. Peter, I didn't even recognize her; she was so lost and afraid'

'And what about you? How are you?' Peter asked although the answer was as plain as the nose on Neal's face

Neal just took in another long slow breath. 'I'm just worried about Sara, that's all. She's been through a really rough time and I want to be there when she comes to'

'And what about you?' Peter repeated. He'd been on the receiving end of Caffrey deflections for over fifteen years and he could spot one a mile away.

Neal shook his head. 'I can't think about it too much – I have to be there for Sara'

'Nice try, Neal' Peter responded.

Finally, Neal let his eyes meet Peter's and they began to fill with tears.

'Peter, I was so happy about this little baby' he finally admitted, his voice wavering

Peter Burke put his arm around his friend's shoulder, rubbing his back and feeling all the tension in Neal just melt away as the tears began to flow. Now that the flood gates were open, Neal was afraid he wouldn't be able to stop.

'She just felt so real; I could already imagine her, what she would have looked like, her smile...' Neal said, his voice soft

'I know, buddy' said Peter as he waited for Neal to continue

'I don't understand why this had to happen' added Neal, at a loss for words

All he knew was that his insides felt like they'd been chewed up and spit out and there was this enormous hole in his heart where just a few hours ago his baby daughter had been.

WCWCWC

The house was quiet when Elizabeth arrived on Meadowbrook Street. Mozzie had fed the kids and he'd taken Liam upstairs to play video games while Hope sat at the kitchen table trying to do homework. The front door opened and Hope looked up expectantly, hoping to see her mom or dad walk in but upon spotting her godmother, the young girl got up without hesitation and ran into her open arms, sobbing.

Elizabeth just stood there, holding Hope tenderly and running her hand through her hair.

'Hey, sweetie. It's okay' she said soothingly as she placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head

Hope pulled away, looking up at Elizabeth and her eyes were filled with pain and regret. No matter what Mozzie had told her, she was unable to shake the guilt she was feeling regarding what had happened earlier. El took her hand and they made their way to sit on the couch in the family room as Hope settled in Elizabeth's arms, crying softly.

'Honey, none of this is your fault' said El. She could feel the pain and guilt radiating off Hope and she knew she had to find a way to set her straight.

'Auntie Elizabeth, I've been awful to Mom lately. I didn't want another baby. I thought our family was just fine the way it was' Hope admitted, her face muffled against Elizabeth chest

'Hope, your mom understands more than you think. You're twelve years old and you were just being honest about how you were feeling' El answered

'But it's not the baby's fault and now look what's happened' said Hope, her voice shaky

'You didn't cause your mom to have the miscarriage, Hope. That has nothing to do with you'

'I know that but I still feel guilty because I had some bad thoughts...' Hope finally confessed

'You wished the baby didn't exist?' Elizabeth asked

Hope's crying intensified indicating that she'd hit the nail on the head.

'I guess I was jealous' admitted Hope, finally. 'Especially when I saw how happy my dad was. _I'm_ his little girl and I didn't want anybody taking my place. I know that sounds horrible...'

'No it doesn't, honey. You've been your dad's little girl for almost thirteen years and I understand why you might have felt that way' Elizabeth responded as she ran her hand through Hope's hair

'But maybe all my negative energy made this happen' said Hope

'Hope, I hate to disappoint you but I don't think you have that much power over events' El said, with a small laugh

Hope joined in as she realized how ridiculous she must sound.

'All I know is that when your mom needed you the most, you were there for her. And that's no small feat, that's the sign of a person who can put another person's wellbeing ahead of her own' said El as she continued to cradle the child.

WCWCWC

The two men sat side by side, quietly waiting to hear that Sara's procedure was over. It was almost nine o'clock and the waiting room was quiet as people came and went, the mood rather somber. Neal had managed to regain his composure and he was feeling better now that he'd been able to release some of the tension he'd been feeling. He wanted to be there unequivocally for Sara when she came to – they would both need to work through their grief but for now, there were more immediate concerns such as Sara's physical and emotional well-being.

He was finally allowed in to see his wife and he gave Peter a rather awkward hug, thanking him for being there and sending him on his way. Doctor Cooper would be meeting with Neal and Sara to go over everything and then Neal would head home to check on the kids.

He was led to another room, on one of the floors this time, since Sara had been admitted for the night. She was lying peacefully when he walked in, seemingly asleep so he made his way to sit by her side, taking care not to wake her. At least while she slept, she could find respite from any physical pain or grief she was experiencing.

He looked down at his beautiful wife, the color finally returning to her face, her features relaxed at last as she slept, probably with the help of medication. She was everything he'd ever wanted and he came to the realization, once again, that his life would be meaningless without her. She kept him grounded and he didn't even want to think about where he might have ended up without her by his side.

A small noise was heard as Dr. Cooper stepped into the room greeting him with a smile.

'Hi Neal. I'm so sorry for your loss' she said as she took a seat on the other side of Sara's bed

Sara continued to sleep unaware of what was happening around her.

'We did the D &amp; C and everything looks good. I'll do a follow-up sometime next week but I don't anticipate any complications' she explained

The sound of her voice finally roused Sara and she opened her eyes, suddenly remembering where she was as she looked from Neal to Dr. Cooper.

'Hi Sara. You did great. It's all over' said the kind doctor

Neal and Sara exchanged small smiles and he finally allowed himself to touch her, taking her hand in his as Dr. Cooper continued.

'We've done an analysis and I can assure you that this miscarriage could not possibly have been avoided. The foetus was not viable and couldn't have survived, no matter what. There were definite genetic abnormalities so I want to reassure you that there is nothing either one of you could have done to avoid this outcome. It was inevitable' she explained as she looked from Sara to Neal, then back again

Sara and Neal nodded as they listened. Although the explanations were helpful, they didn't help dealing with the grief associated with the loss.

'Thank you Dr. Cooper' Neal said as she stood to leave

There was nothing left to say and Neal stood as Sara scooted over to make room for him on the bed. He climbed in, pulling her into his arms and the two of them latched on to each other, crying softly in each other's arms.

WCWCWC

'What are you doing up at this hour?' Neal asked as he popped his head into Hope's bedroom.

It was close to midnight and Neal had finally left a sleeping Sara at the hospital to get some rest before her release in the morning. He'd made his way home, anxious to check on Hope and Liam and he was somewhat relieved to find that his daughter was still awake, quietly reading in bed as she awaited his return. He knew the events of the day would be hard for her to work through and he wanted her to know how proud he was of the way she'd handled the situation.

'How's Mom?' she asked as she sat up and set her book aside

Neal made his way to sit on the edge of her bed with a sad smile on his face.

'She's going to be fine. They're keeping her overnight but she'll be home tomorrow' he explained

Hope let out a sigh of relief which seemed to break down her resolve and she began to cry softly.

'Honey, what you did today was amazing' Neal said, his voice quiet 'You are such a brave girl'

'I'm not brave, Dad. I was so scared' Hope admitted

'Being brave doesn't mean not being scared, sweet pea. It means doing what needs to be done even when you _are_ scared and that's exactly what you did' said Neal, pride evident in his voice

Hope looked up into her dad's eyes as she listened.

'You put a blanket on your mom and you comforted her while you waited for help to come. That was a very brave thing to do. I know how scared you must have been' Neal added as he ran his hand through her hair

Hope waited for an instant, feeling the need to come clean.

'Dad, I'm really sorry I was so awful about the baby. I think... I ... I was jealous. I was afraid she'd become your little girl and that I wouldn't be ...' she began, unable to finish

'Hope, how can you think that? You're my special girl and even if Mom and I had ten other kids, you would always be my sweet pea, my one and only sweet pea' Neal said as he pulled her in for a hug

'I'm sorry Dad' Hope repeated, sobbing

'Shh. There's no need. I'm so proud of you, Hope and I love you so much' he said, feeling the emotions rising in him

He tucked her in and made his way to his bedroom, letting himself fall with a loud thud on the edge of the bed. He reached down to untie his shoes and that's when it hit; Neal finally let it all out and he began to sob uncontrollably.

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Sara made it home by noon the next day and she was ordered to rest for the remainder of the week while her body readjusted to the changes, both physical and hormonal. Of course, everyone knew that was just a small part of it; having to deal with the grief associated with such a loss was very personal and that part of the process could not be underestimated – or rushed.

Neal made some tea for them and they settled in on the couch in the quiet house. It was very rare for both of them to be home on a weekday and Neal was feeling slightly uncomfortable with the eerie silence in the house; the place was usually buzzing with life...

'Thanks' said Sara quietly as she took the cup from her husband

'How's the pain?' Neal asked. That was the easy part, the part that would eventually go away.

'Not bad, just some residual cramping' she answered, her voice quiet

Neal settled in with his arm around his wife and she put her head down against his shoulder, her eyes faraway. She'd begun to piece together some of the events from the previous day; she had flashes of Hope being there, of Neal staring down at her – but it was all very sketchy and she realized she would probably never completely remember that horrible hour of her life.

'It's like... there was a space in my body where she was... and now it's empty' she said, her voice sad

Neal listened as she spoke. Although his heart was breaking, he would never experience that feeling of emptiness as his body readjusted to _not _being pregnant. He gave her a little squeeze.

'You know, the other night when you were reading off those names...' she began

Neal let out a small laugh. Sara had teased him mercilessly about being over-excited and over-prepared; she'd seemed aloof as he'd spouted off the litany of names.

'I really _was_ listening, you know. Those were beautiful names' she continued

'Oh yeah?' Neal said with a sad smile 'Did you have a favorite?'

'Yeah. I kinda liked Hannah... and all day yesterday...' her voice broke as she spoke '...I started to think of her as our little Hannah'

Neal listened, his eyes beginning to water.

'Well, I was never comfortable with just calling her 'it' or 'the baby' agreed Neal

'Do you wonder what she would have been like?' asked Sara, her voice unsteady

'I imagined her fair, like Liam, with blue eyes and a killer smile' Neal admitted

'Yeah, that sounds about right' agreed Sara as she continued to cry softly

'She would have been our little princess' Neal added

'You would have been insufferable with another little girl in the house' Sara said, laughing through the tears

'Well, she would have been loved, that's for sure' agreed Neal

'She _was_ loved, Neal. From the moment we got over the shock... I knew that she was special and that she would touch us in her own way – just like Hope and Liam have touched us, in their own unique way'

Neal nodded in agreement as he felt the tightness in his throat.

'There'll always be a corner of my heart just for her, for little Hannah' he finally said as he squeezed Sara tight

WCWCWC

'Ready?' asked Peter as he held the car door open for Elizabeth

She nodded as she took his hand, both of them heading into the medical centre on their way to meet with Dr. Samuels. The verdict was in and the doctor would be making some recommendation for treatment. Peter and Elizabeth had talked it over and they were feeling optimistic about the next steps. Although everyone had advised them not to give too much credence to Dr. Google, they had pored over the many websites and they were reassured that the prognosis was excellent. They just needed to make the best possible choice for Peter and armed with the information and the doctor's advice, they were feeling competent to make that decision.

'How are you feeling Peter?' asked Dr. Samuels after the usual niceties

'Fine. The symptoms are about the same' said Peter referring to his nightly trips to the bathroom

'Do you feel that the symptoms are keeping you from enjoying life – are they a deterrent for you?' he asked as he looked over Peter's chart

'No, not really' answered Peter

'I've looked over all your test results and although we can certainly intervene immediately – or at any point in the future – I would recommend we take a 'wait and see' approach for the time being' said Dr. Samuels

Peter and El exchanged looks; they had read that the best treatment in some cases was no treatment at all. Prostate cancer was a very slow and innocuous form of cancer and once it was on the radar, it could be monitored carefully for changes. If the patient's quality of life was not impaired by the symptoms, they could continue without treatment for months, sometimes years.

'Would that have any bearing on the outcome?' asked Peter

'Not if we continue to monitor you and your symptoms. If they become worse or if you begin to have trouble managing them, we could talk about surgery or radiation. For the time being, I don't see the urgency to move to those options. That being said, we can certainly discuss treatment if you so choose'

Elizabeth's shoulders relaxed as she listened. The news was more encouraging than she had even dared to hope for.

'So, Peter, it's basically up to you' said the doctor as he closed the file in front of him.

WCWCWC

'Look at that one, Dad!' exclaimed Liam as he ran from one cage to another as fast as his young legs could take him

'He's a cutie' agreed Neal as he crouched down to look at the beautiful Chocolate Lab that was sticking his head out of his crate, anxious to sniff Neal's hand

They were wandering around the kennels of their local ASPCA, checking out the available dogs and Neal wasn't sure who was more excited, him or the kids. He and Sara had decided that the time was finally right to add a four legged friend to their family. There'd been a lot of heartbreak in the Caffrey household over the past several weeks and the time had come to turn the page and move on to something joyful and what could possibly add more life to a household than a fifty pound bundle of fur.

Hope followed behind, taking her time as she examined each one of the dogs, one by one; she was looking for some sort of emotional connection. She knew that she could never replace Satchmo but she was open to making a new friend and to building a relationship over time. Neal watched as she wandered slowly, thoughtfully; she'd been through an awful lot and he was relieved to see her taking an interest in the all important task of choosing the family pet.

'Don't forget, we need to make sure the dog we choose is compatible' reminded Neal

The shelter's staff was trained to help prospective pet owners choose the right match for their family, personality-wise and lifestyle-wise. They had directed Neal and the kids towards three or four appropriate choices and Liam was just running from one crate to the other, wanting them all. Neal watched as Hope continued her rounds, observing her interactions with each of the dogs; he knew that she would be involved in the care of the pet and he wanted to make sure that they chose wisely.

Hope crouched down in front of 'Maisy's' cage; she was a beagle, alert yet reserved. Hope tried to coax her into sticking her head out so she could pet her but the dog seemed a bit skittish. She turned her attention to 'Pyper' a Border collie with bright eyes – the dog wagged his tail, happy at the attention. Finally, she moved on to 'Bailey' a gorgeous Golden Retriever/Husky mix. His fur was the color of gold against the sun and he began to lick furiously at her hand through his crate, making Hope giggle at the sensation.

Neal looked on fondly; he hadn't seen her laugh like that in a few weeks. Ever since Sara's miscarriage, Hope had been sullen, quiet as she worked through the repercussions. Despite having talked it out with her parents, she seemed to carry some residual guilt about the events of that day, not quite sure what to do with those lingering feelings.

'You like him?' asked Neal as he came closer

'Yeah!' she said as she continued to laugh

'He obviously likes _you_!' said Neal as he began to laugh himself

'You can take him out for a walk if you like' said Joanne, the staff person who was helping them out 'That way you can see how he reacts to you'

Neal looked questioningly at Hope who nodded enthusiastically.

'Great!' said Neal as Bailey was taken out of his cage and put on a leash, his big, bushy tail wagging madly as he continued to lick Hope's face

'I think we might have a winner!' said Joanne as she handed the leash to Hope

WCWCWC

'So, we're agreed then?' Neal asked as they all sat around the dinner table munching on burgers and fries while the newest member of the family lay under the table, anxiously waiting for wayward crumbs

'Yes!' they all said together

They had been discussing names for the dog – although Bailey was a fine name, they wanted to be involved in naming the dog and the new moniker had to resonate with everyone in the family. The list of proposed names lay on the table – each member of the family having contributed one or two suggestions. Hope had deferred to Liam, she didn't really care what he was called; she already loved him and she surreptitiously slipped her hand under the table palming the dog a small piece of meat from her hamburger. Liam was going through a Ninja Turtle phase and all his suggestions gravitated around the dynamic foursome's names.

'Okay, Raphaël it is!' Neal exclaimed as he gave Sara a knowing sideways glance.

It was the perfect name, all around.

WCWCWC

'Someone please put Raffie in the backyard' Sara called out from the kitchen as she put the finishing touches on a plate or hors d'oeuvres.

Although the dog was learning to fit in nicely, he still got very excited around food and with a dozen guests coming over, this was not the time to have him loose around so much temptation.

Hope came into the kitchen and grabbed the dog by the collar, reaching for his leash.

'I'll take him out. He's due for a walk anyway, aren't you Raffie?' she said as she ruffled his fur

Sara smiled as she looked at her daughter, so competent at taking care of the new addition to the family. She had really risen to the challenge and having the dog in the house had given their daughter a focus for which her parents were eternally grateful.

'Honey, it's already 7:30!' Neal said, flustered as he came around the island, reaching into the fridge

'It's fine, Neal. Everything's under control' answered Sara

'What about the beer?' he asked, panicked

'Already in the fridge' she answered

'And the...'

'Neal, look at me. Everything is under control' she repeated as she took his face in her hands to make him look at her

'Sorry. I just want everything to be perfect' Neal said, smiling nervously

'And it will be. Look, we've had Peter and El over hundreds of times' explained Sara, calm and focussed

'Yeah, but this is their 25th wedding anniversary and I want it to be perfect for them' Neal said as he began to place various appetizers on a platter

'It will be' said Sara

She turned and grabbed his tie to make him look at her. He was looking spectacular in a pale pink shirt and a fuchsia tie, bringing out the blue in his eyes.

'You look good enough to eat, Mr. Caffrey' she said seductively as she placed a kiss on his lips, intent on making him relax

It did the trick and he instantly calmed down, gazing into his wife's eyes.

'Can you hold that thought for a few hours?' he asked

She smiled at him and gave him a playful tap on the bum as she returned to the task at hand

'Tease!' Neal let out, as the doorbell rang

WCWCWC

The party was a huge success as all of their close friends assembled to celebrate El and Peter's successful partnership. Peter was feeling good, relieved that his health was under control and Elizabeth glowed as everyone showered them both with love and attention. It had been a rough summer for the two families but they were coming out of it with renewed hope and optimism for the future.

'Auntie Elizabeth?' Hope said, tentative

'Hey sweetie! Where were you?' asked El as she gave her goddaughter a warm hug

'I was out walking Raffie' she said

'He's beautiful!' Elizabeth responded as she spotted the dog on the other side of the room with Jones fawning over him

'Well, each dog is unique, I guess' said Hope, suddenly wise

'Could you come with me for a minute? I have something for you' she added

Hope led the way down the stairs to the studio with El following close behind. Elizabeth had only been down there once in all the years Sara and Neal had lived in the house. She felt it was a sacred place, like walking in uninvited into someone's bedroom or office. She took one look around, admiring the dozens of paintings lining the walls of the room; she was amazed at the quality and quantity of pieces produced by the two resident artists.

She recognized Neal's style in many of the paintings; they were mostly portraits of Hope and Liam throughout the years. Her eyes lingered for a moment on his easel as she admired his current work in progress although she couldn't identify the subject: a beautiful little girl with soft blue eyes, fair hair and an amazing smile.

Hope led her over to the far end of the room, where she kept her things and El's eyes widened as she took in the quality of her work.

'Oh, my God, Hope! This is amazing. Can I look around?' she asked, not wanting to be too invasive

'Sure!' said Hope a quiet pride in her voice

'Honey, you have so much talent!' El said as she moved from one piece to another

She came upon a canvas which was covered up in wrapping paper and Hope's smile widened.

'That's a gift for you... for your anniversary' she said as she bent down to pick it up and hand it to her aunt

Elizabeth looked at her, curious as to what was hidden there and she took it from Hope, her eyes shiny and bright.

'Oh, Hope! This is beautiful!' El said, her voice barely a whisper as she took in the sight of Satchmo, looking back at her

Her eyes began to water as she examined the gift, the likeness amazing. She had no idea Hope could paint something so beautiful – she'd captured Satchmo in action, his eyes bright and full of life.

'You like it?' asked Hope, nervous

'Like it? I love it! Oh, honey, this means so much to me' said El, turning to hug her goddaughter

Hope's smile widened as she realized she had hit a home run; she had so hoped her aunt would like the gift.

'I've got the perfect place for it – in the living room. Right above where Satchmo used to lie down all the time' El said, her voice shaky, the tears beginning to flow

'I didn't want to make you sad!' Hope said as she took in the sight of her aunt

'Oh, honey. You didn't make me sad, you made me very, very happy' said El, reassuringly

WCWCWC

'I'd like to propose a toast' said Neal as the guests assembled, glass in hand

It was wonderful to have a house full of friends and family, once again. Peter's sister and her husband had come down for the occasion and of course there were the usual suspects: Diana and Christie, Jones and his wife, Mozzie and June. Neal's nerves had settled as he'd seen how happy Peter and Elizabeth were, surrounded by their loved ones. He'd prepared a few words to say and he suddenly felt butterflies as he prepared to speak.

'Peter and Elizabeth have been in all our lives for so long, we sometimes take them for granted. They have always been there for all of us, through good times and bad – and more importantly, they have stood by each other without fail since the day they committed to each other, twenty five years ago. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we all look to El and Peter as the perfect couple, one we all aspire to being more like. Of course, we all know there is no such thing as 'perfection'...'

Everyone laughed as Neal paused for an instant.

'... but Peter and Elizabeth are pretty darn close. What I most admire about El and Peter is the respect they have for one another. Sure, they've had their small disagreements over the years but what I notice is that they always try to make room for the other, to see the other's point of view and they never forget that they are in it for the long run, no matter what. Sara and I have been inspired by you two and like every other couple, we are a work in progress. I'm just glad we have another dozen or so years to go before we have to try to measure up to the two of you'

The tension was broken once again as everyone giggled.

'So, please raise your glasses to Elizabeth and Peter Burke and wish them well for the next twenty five years' Neal added as he raised his glass, encouraging everyone to do the same

WCWCWC

Sara turned in bed, noticing the empty space there where Neal had been just a while earlier. It was early fall, the mornings a lot cooler and she pulled the duvet up a little tighter letting out a contented sigh. It was Saturday morning and there was no rush to get up.

She could hear some muted noises coming from the backyard and curiosity got the better of her as she finally stepped out of bed and walked to their bedroom window to see where the noise was coming from. She could see Neal's head coming into view then disappearing as he did something right up against the house, causing her to lose sight of him every few seconds. Raffle lay content on the deck, watching his master do whatever it was he was doing and Sara could see the dog's eyes following Neal's movements as he worked.

She climbed into her robe and, noticing both the kids were still snoozing, she made her way gingerly down the stairs.

'Good morning!' said Neal as he spotted her by the patio door, looking out

He was dressed in an old pair of jeans and a windbreaker over his t-shirt, shovel in hand.

'What's going on out here?' she asked as she pulled her robe tight around her and stepped out to see what exactly he was doing.

She could see he had dug up a small patch of the flower bed and she spotted a container of bulbs next to him. She shot Neal a confused look as she took in the scene.

'I guess I should have said' he began, looking a bit embarrassed 'I was at the garden centre yesterday and I realized it was probably our last chance to get some bulbs into the ground for next spring'

Sara began to compute the information. Neal had said something a few nights ago about tulips and how they were associated with the name 'Hannah' something he'd discovered as he'd done his original research on names.

'Those wouldn't be tulips by any chance, would they?' she asked as she got a little closer to Neal and looked into his eyes.

He shrugged as if he'd been caught doing something wrong and she got closer putting her arm around his waist and looking down fondly at the spot where he'd been working.

'They'll come up every spring and...' he let his voice trail

'I think it's a wonderful idea, Neal' she said, hugging him

He shook off the momentary sadness that had invaded him.

'You know, I could really use a cup of coffee when I'm done with this' he said, nonchalantly

'One cup of coffee, coming right up' said Sara, smiling and heading back into the house with tail-wagging Raphael following close behind.

La fin


End file.
